As I am
by 1607hannah
Summary: Eowyn finds herself trapped between her past and the future, she escapes her home and the death of her Uncle, through working at the Houses of Healing. But will she realise her own heart is sick and in need of healing? Can she ever trust anyone again or herself? Fanfic between Eowyn and Faramir. Rated M for later stuff.
1. Chapter One

Story about the Steward of Gondor and the Shieldmaiden of Rohan, original right? I always write love stories! Hate love stories though where boy meets girl, they fall in love within the week and get married a week later, come on, be realistic! As Eowyn says, I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe some people are meant to be together. So I basically hated Tolkein for what he did and Peter Jackman (saying that, the film was epic in the awesome category, but still! Faramir and Eowyn share one look and BAM, they're in love? NO! It just seems so unlike their characters.) Much of this is inspired by Heather Dale's music and songs, she's incredible, hence the reason why my piece is named after one of her songs (I can literally imagine Faramir saying that sort of thing to Eowyn). But in any case **(Disclaimer):** I own nothing of Tolkein's, Jackman's or Dale's work, all glory be upon them. I just took some overlooked characters, hummed Dale's songs throughout and wrote this. Enjoy! Sorry for ranting. Oh, reminds me. Yes this is nothing like Tolkein's work and yes Ewoyn is telling this story. Yes I have extended the time scale, see reason above. So if you don't like the sound of that, then don't read. I realise it's not within keeping of the chronological order of the book, so you'll just have to deal with it or not bother. Lots of love, Hannah.

*Decided to update this, seeing as my stupid computer decided to spell Eowyn's name wrong and it bugged me. Going to be a few other small changes, but it is my oldest fanfic, the one with the most mistakes, so you'll have to forgive it.

As I Am

"Sister, I just think…"  
"I'd just go back and end up not doing anything, I like feeling useful here."  
"You could start a hospital there…"  
"Without training?" I ask.  
My brother sighs and grimaces, "Eowyn, just tell me this isn't for finding a man? I saw how you were with…"  
My glare silences him, "No brother, I am not husband hunting. I am here to cure and comfort the sick, to learn about herbs and medicine; they're going to need as much help as possible and I want to learn something useful, aside from sword play."  
He smiles softly at me and grasped my shoulder, "I'm just making sure you're not doing this just to be around Lord Aragorn, forgive a brother's safe guarding."  
I smile, "I forgive you, but I'm staying. It'll just be for a few months."  
He gives me a critical look, "How long is a few months, because I know it won't be two."  
"Well it can't be two, it takes a lot of training to learn herb lore…"  
"I intend to take my men home, so they can rest and be welcomed by their wives and children…"  
"I know…" I say.  
"How long then?" he grins.  
"Maybe seven months…?"  
"That makes your stay a whole year!"  
"Look I may come back sooner, but I don't want to go back just yet…It'll remind me too much of our Uncle."  
Éomer stopped speaking and looked grim, he embraced me.  
"I can't come back yet." I whisper, "Otherwise the pain will never go away."  
"Brave little sister." he says, and then gives me a calculating look, "Very well, you have my blessing."  
I smile and hug him gladly.

I watch them leave Gondor; I shall miss my brother certainly and the battlefield outside Gondor means I will never forget what had happened there, but going home meant seeing the place where for some months I had my Uncle back, happy and confident. I can't go back now. Not now that place had become a house of celebration and warmth. I had to wait till my Uncle's ghost left my mind and heart. The people of Gondor cheered the brave riders of Rohan. I was surprised, but remembered our enmity had dissolved the moment we had appeared on the hill top, bearing the flag of Rohan, in defence of Gondor. I smiled and cheered with them, as they left through the gates. Aragorn will ensure our two kingdoms will never feel anger towards one another again.

I went back inside as soon as the last soldier had left, it felt as though I was watching my whole family abandon me, but I reminded myself firmly I had chosen this path.  
Iroeth was going through a box, separated by small compartments, each holding a bottle of some sort. She was muttering furiously to herself.  
"What is the matter Iroeth? Had you fallen for a brave soldier of Rohan, who now heads for home?" I laughed, she gave me a wry smile.  
"If only I had, oh I wish that blasted boy would stay where I left him for five minutes!"  
"Who he is? I can try to find him for you, if you like?"  
"Oh no, I wouldn't bother, if he so insists in running off…"  
I couldn't understand why she was being so dismissive of a little boy, "Perhaps he has gone to his mother, he may be scared."  
"What, I…?" Her face looked bemused for some moments, "Oh, oh no, bless you child. No, the boy I'm talking about is a grown man. Beg your pardon, m'lady."  
"Please, Eowyn is fine; otherwise I'll have patients calling for the Shieldmaiden of Rohan." I laughed. "But who is this man who has irritated you so?"  
"Faramir!" she gave a sigh, as though I knew why he was particularly irritating, though I was clueless. I did recognise the name of the younger son of the passed Steward.

"Is he in any danger?" I asked.  
"Only from himself." she harrumphed. "Honestly, and it's not as if he has anywhere in particular to go to…I bet I know where he's gone, to the damn Inn!" she slammed the lid down on the chest and I was particularly aware of the precious glass bottles that rattled in there.  
"I could try to find him…"  
"No, no point, he'll only run off again. Besides, at some point he'll collapse in the street, then he'll have to stay here." she said with satisfaction. I frowned, wondering if collapsing in the street was something we should be aiming for. But at that time Iroeth called me over, to assist her with crushing herbs.  
"My hands ache something rotten after this." she said, and on seeing my expression, "Oh he'll be fine, but he won't be when he gets here." she muttered furiously, bashing the herbs with such force I was unsurprised that her hands would ache…I was, however, surprised the bowl didn't break.

As I carried out the instructions of Iroeth I couldn't help wondering about Faramir, I wondered why he wanted to run away if he was ill or injured, I wondered what he was like…perhaps he was arrogant or impatient, perhaps that's why he didn't want our help. But the Houses of Healing were some of the best in the land, there would be no better healers than those here… I shook my head and although I badgered Iroeth with questions, she gave me single word answers or told me to look to what I was doing. I gave up in the end, continuing with cleaning the hospital and helping Iroeth look after the wounded. I longed to be in the garden though, the sweet smell of herbs wafting through the rooms and the green grass looking so fresh and beautiful against the cold, white walls of Gondor. I got my chance when Iroeth sent me to collect more fresh herbs to dry in the store room.

I was in the store room, when Iroeth came bursting in, her chest heaving.  
"Well…what did…I say?" she exclaimed, when she had caught back her breath.  
I wasn't sure, but she hurried on before I could answer, "Faramir…in the street…"  
"He collapsed?" I asked, I still found her satisfaction strange.  
"Aye, oh don't worry girl, he's got a slight fever. But come on now, finish that and then come with me…!"  
"I thought after this you wanted me to…"  
"Oh never mind that, it'll be good for you to deal with men who are unwell. I suppose you haven't had much experience with the male body? The Shield_madam_ of Rohan certainly doesn't sound as good." She gave me a wink, and though I tried to laugh, I couldn't help going a little pink at the thought…it seemed strange, I was accustomed to the violence and bloodshed of war, but the idea of something so personal unnerved me. She took my hand.  
"Now don't you worry a bit. I'll dress his wounds and show you what I'm doing, while you can try to keep his fever down."

So collecting dried peppermint, a bowl and a jug of water I obediently followed Iroeth upstairs towards one of the private rooms. The hospital was in more order now, since some of the men had recovered and left. Iroeth opened the door onto a bright lit room, sparsely furnished, but with a comfortable bed and chest off to one side, a table on the other. On the bed lay a man, his brown hair lay stuck to his forehead and he frowned as his fever made his skin prickly. I put the jug and bowl on the table, crushed the peppermint in the mortar and added it to the bowl, pouring over the water. I got out a cloth from the chest, as Iroeth expertly removed his shirt and expected his wounds.  
"Come here, Eowyn."  
I went over, with my bowl and cloth, she showed me a wound. I grimaced a little, but she gave a small smile,  
"It's not too bad, not deep and I have cleaned it, but it needs bandaging. I'll get some more herbs and dressing, you can stay here and bathe him."  
"I could go and get those." I offered.  
"Ah! No, you'll need to get used this, don't worry I was just the same. When we had soldiers coming in and out and I was young, I must've been redder than a rose!" she laughed, then got up and left the room.

I washed his face, my eyes traveling over his forehead and cheeks, noting the soft stubble on his chin as my hand brushed past. I shook myself, now was not the time. His expression seemed to relax as his brow cooled. I had not allowed myself to look at his naked chest, but I now peeped down, bringing my eyes immediately back up. 'Oh come now, Eowyn, this is silly.' I muttered to myself, 'You've seen soldiers' chests before.' Not this close up, my mind screamed. But I regained my sense and just imagined I was cleaning Windfola, as I washed his arms and chest. Still my mind was racing; I couldn't help but become fascinated by every pane and angle of his chest and looking up at his face I thought he looked…sensible, almost, not one to flee a hospital for any arrogant or impatient reason.  
"Why are you running away, Faramir?" I said, mostly to myself.  
"Because I'm not that badly injured."

I jumped up with surprise, the bowl smashed on the floor, water dampening my dress.  
"I…sorry…" I began, my face flushed with embarrassment, he must've come round while I was bathing him.  
"No forgive me, I did not mean to scare you." he tried to get up, but winced in pain. Now his eyes were open, I could see they were a blue, grey shade in colour.  
"It is fine," I knelt down to pick up the pieces of the bowl, luckily it had not broken into small shards of pottery.  
"Sorry…" he muttered. I glanced up at him, I had to admit to myself that I could judge a handsome man without being in love, Faramir was handsome and there was something so deeply concerned and sad in his eyes. I looked back down, breathed evenly while picking the pieces up, calming myself.  
"There is nothing to worry about, it was only a bowl, there are plenty more." I pulled out some old rags from a bucket, mopped up the spilt water. He lay back down on the pillow, he still looked anxious.

"How did you know my name?" he asked.  
"Iroeth was in a bad mood, because you had left the hospital, she told me. I am honoured to meet the Captain of the Rangers." I found another bowl in the chest and filled it with the water again. I turned back towards him, seeing him scowling.  
"I told her I was well."  
I dipped the cloth into the water; it was somehow easier talking to him than when he was just lying there.

"That doesn't look well," I pointed to the wound near his arm pit. He twitched his mouth, as though he would disagree with me, "and fainting in the street is not something well people do either." I said. When would Iroeth get back? She was taking a while, unless she had plans of matchmaking going on in her head. I smirked slightly, yes Faramir was handsome, but I didn't fall for just a pretty face. He gave a bark of laughter, and then winced with pain again. I smiled.  
"Try not to laugh."  
"Well thank you for the marvellous advice, healer." He jested, smiling at me. I was too busy washing his shoulder to really smile back, but when I had done I looked up at him. It was like being burnt, his cool eyes seemed to look right through me and I quickly looked back down to my bowl.

"I am not a real healer yet…" I said.  
"Well now I certainly feel secure." he said.  
"I am in training." I replied, "…and if you wish for someone else, I can go."  
I saw his eyes quickly dart to look at me; he clearly wished to say no.  
"No, I'm sure you'll do. What's your name?"  
"Eowyn…"  
He instantly jolted upright, causing him to gasp and grab his side, "The White Lady of Rohan?"  
"Or the Shieldmaiden of Rohan, which ever you prefer…" I turn my back to him and smirk as I place the bowl on the table. I hear him lie down on the bed again and give a low whistle, I can't help but laugh.  
"Glad to hear you two getting along," says Iroeth as she finally came into the room, laden with a sweet smelling salve, bandages and possibly more herbs than was necessary. Faramir frowned when she came in, "…and that's quite enough from you, m'lord. If I say you're not going anywhere, then you're not going anywhere. This is a nasty wound if left untreated and you are just as important as any other wounded here."

He looked as if he were about to argue back, but then lent back against his pillows and gave a reluctant smile.  
"I didn't realise I was so important to have 'The White Lady of Rohan' attending to me." he said, I avoided his gaze and focused on what Iroeth was saying to me, as she dressed his wound.  
"Eowyn was brought here when she killed the Witch-King, defending her uncle. Her arm was broken." Iroeth said it as though I had broken my arm while baking bread! I was about to look up and say it was a little more complicated than that, when I saw her hidden smile and her eye flash me a wink.  
"I am training here to be a healer, so when I go home I have a good skill and can help my own people." I said, taking a look at him, his mouth hung agape and his eyes were huge. I had to look at the plain bandages to stop myself laughing. The memory bought back the pain of losing my Uncle and the agonising feeling in my arm, but the respect in Faramir's eyes was so comical I could have burst out laughing.

"You were in battle?" he asked.  
"Aye, I learnt how to sword play from a young age with my brother, Éomer. I couldn't bear being left behind, like I was normally, so I disguised myself and went with my Uncle's army."  
"She fulfilled the prophesy of the Witch-King's death," said Iroeth, "'no living man may hinder me', well he wasn't counting on a woman to be there in battle, and by the sounds of it, neither were you." she said to him, I had to bite my lower lip to stop myself laughing and I hated myself for it. Why did I laugh when my Uncle had been killed? When I had almost died myself. My head was a confused mess of feelings and I loathed myself for it. Things should be simple enough, I should live in regret of my Uncle dying, he who was like a father to me. A wasted love. I had lost so many friends. Yet I could have laughed. Laughed easily and freely.

After my mind thought thus, I couldn't keep my full attention on the task at hand and I feared my confusion clouded my eyes. When I caught a glance of Faramir, he too looked worried. Iroeth bid his lordship sleep and then took me out of the room, she gave me a quick smile, but stopped when she saw my face.  
"What? You liked him not?"  
"No, I did. He seemed very pleasant. But talk of the Witch-King reminded me of my Uncle."  
"Ah forgive me, I was not thinking." Iroeth said.  
"It does not matter; many things can make me think of him. I feel wicked when I laugh and smile."  
She placed a warm, rough hand on my shoulder, "Ah come now, you said yourself the King of Rohan loved you like a daughter, he would not wish any sadness upon you."  
I briefly close my eyes, hiding my tears.  
"Walk in the garden, I will prepare our supper in the meantime." she says. I smile and we carry our equipment through the hallways and into the large storeroom. She briefly touches my arm, smiles and then goes to her rooms to prepare our dinner.

I walk out into the beautiful gardens, the soft green of the leaves show spring is now calling and the first buds of flowers are pushing their way up through cold earth. I look out, the landscape now clear of darkness and the ever presence of Sauron, the mountains now hung pale and the sky shimmered slightly, where the haze of the volcano smoked but did not burn. I walked some way along a white path of pebbles, till I sat on a bench. Perhaps Ireoth was right, I cannot always be sad, always forever remaining in the past. I lent my head against a tree, as though it were a comforting friend. I knew if I joked and were happy that would be what my Uncle wished, but what had happened was inescapable. Was I always meant to be torn, divided between the past and the future, unable to live in the present?

"Eowyn…?"  
I looked up, puzzled when seeing Faramir there. "Why are you out of bed?"  
"I am fine."  
I sighed, "No you're not, go back to bed. If you collapse I will not be able to lift you."  
He looks unsure, wanting to obey my command and seemingly wanting to speak with me.  
"What is it?" I ask.  
He opens his mouth, but then his fever becomes too strong for him and he collapses. I catch him before he hits the ground, but the weight of him makes me stagger a little. I gently lay him on the ground, before running to get help.

"That boy!" fumes Iroeth.  
I smile in recognition of her frustration. By the time we get there Faramir has heaved himself up and is sitting against the bench.  
"I am sorry for…"  
"Look, I'm going to have you swear on the King's ordained head that you will not get up, until I deem you fit to get up. Do you understand?"  
"Yes Iroeth, I am sorry m'lady." he says to me.  
"It is more trouble for us, than you. We cannot spend our days running around looking for you, and, as you are aware, if you do faint, our healers often do not have enough strength to lift you up." she says.  
"May I suggest Faramir has a lower room, so that way if he does decide to wander we won't have to climb the stairs to put him back?" I ask.  
"An excellent idea, Eowyn." Iroeth says to me, and then to Faramir, "Right, come on you." Iroeth places one of his arms around me, and although I have helped many patients like this he seems nervous. She goes to his other arm, heaves it onto her shoulders and we then walk clumsily across the lawn to one of the bedchambers.  
"Keeping us from our dinner too." she mutters.

We manage to get to the room and Faramir slumps down in a chair, while I pull the bedcovers back and Iroeth unlaces his boots.  
"I will have to check that dressing again, to make sure it hasn't moved." she is furious with him; he does the decent thing and remains quiet. I help him lie down on the bed, once more he looks at me with those clever grey eyes and I am suddenly fascinated with the table in the room. Iroeth quickly inspects the bandages, tightens them a little and nods when done.  
"Right… if you dare move from this bed, I'll give the Shieldmaiden of Rohan a sword and she'll keep you here." she says furiously, though with something of a smile. "Right Eowyn, if this gentlemen feels he will do right and remain in his bed, you can come and have your supper."  
"I will stay where I am." he promises.  
"Good." Iroeth says. "We will bid you goodnight."  
He assents his head, "Goodnight."

I smile at him when we leave, at the typical fury of Iroeth, his eyes light up when he sees me thus. In many ways I think he would like the Shieldmaiden of Rohan preventing him from escape, but I've had plenty of men call me pretty and praise my virtues. I had songs invented about my beauty by the time I reached fourteen. He's just another man who finds me handsome, that is all. I envy the Queen Arwen, what woman doesn't? To have a love as true and real as that makes her so lucky, not just desire or flattery.  
"Come on lass, don't go too far in your mind."  
I smile at Iroeth, "Forgive me, I wasn't dwelling on sad things though."  
"Well that's some good," she says, then looks up at me mischievously, "Where you thinking about Lord Faramir?"  
"No." I am adept at lying, a soldiers' camp taught me that.  
"Oh," she looks disappointed, well I have to disappoint her; I have no desire to imagine a love when there isn't one there at all.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two – The Spring Rains Begun

I am glad when Iroeth gives me tasks that do not concern the young Captain of the Rangers; I finish them all though with haste and good attention. Till she gives me a tray with a small loaf of bread, fruit and a few slices of meat.  
"Who is this for?" I ask dumbly.  
"Faramir, the King knows he is a wise man and a good soldier, he wants him recovered soon. Take this to him, give him only water to drink and stay to talk with him."  
"But I…!" I exclaim, before she gives me a steely look.  
"Yes?"  
"Well…I…Why do I need to talk to him? Surely I have more important tasks to see to?"  
"No, in this instance no. I will bring your food, so you may eat with him."  
"I have no desire to eat with Faramir…" I mutter. I expect her anger, but she sounds sympathetic.  
"You have no desire to dine with anyone Eowyn. What you misunderstand about healing is that we are not simply healing the body, we heal the whole heart. That is why our Houses of Healing are so infamous. You and Faramir are still injured; it would do you both good to speak about it. You have both lost dearly loved family. But you will have to speak about that with him, not me."

She picks up a tray for me and leads out of the room.  
"I know Faramir lost his brother, Boromir. Merry told me of what happened." I remember the hobbit with fondness, Merry had lived up to his name, always making me smile.  
"Well it'll do you both good to talk, especially as he wants to know about the Witch-King and your Uncle."  
"Has he requested this?" I asked, stopping instantly.  
"Nay." she said, knocking on the door before entering, "I have." I could hardly argue now, as I followed behind her into Faramir's room.

He looked better today, after a decent night's sleep and a few good meals. His skin looked less flushed and sickly. He smiled at us, putting down a book.  
"Good day to you both."  
"And good day to you, Master Faramir, I can see a little less running off has done you the world of good." said Iroeth.  
He looked shamefaced, but glanced up at me and smiled. I placed the tray of food on the bed. I didn't want to do this; I didn't want to talk about my Uncle or my home. Perhaps I didn't have to. I could let him talk about his life and then just… Iroeth forced me to sit in the chair and put my own tray on my lap. She poured us two glasses of cool water, then left, making an excuse about visiting the Halls. Faramir broke the loaf in two and took a sip from his glass.

"You can sit on the bed if you like, it'll be tricky balancing the tray on your lap."  
"I'm fine." I replied. It was true though, the chair was relatively high and it was difficult to balance my goblet and tray while trying to use the knife and spoon.  
He sighed softly, "Your pride does you disservice."  
I felt a surge of anger flood through my heart, "I can leave if I wish, I did not desire to come here."  
I regretted saying that almost at once, his expression became so sadden.  
"I am sorry; I did not mean it like that…"  
"No, you are busy. There must be little time to talk, but if you truly mean you are sorry, please sit on the bed."

I looked at his face once more; I detected no malice or the lust I know men feel, if only it had been that. He looked at me with pity and it took all my strength to carry the tray to the bed, my hands clasped tightly around the cold metal, to stop me from crying. I was not weak. He would not make me feel weak. I wanted to rail against him, shout against his pity for me, tell him I was Eowyn killer of Nazguls and the Witch-King…but when I looked into his grey eyes and saw his steady, calm regard, felt it sink into my bones, I knew I could not. Because those things were meaningless, what did it mean if I had killed anyone or done anything? Is it womanly and foolish to still believe that however you dress the enemy they are still people, with families and homes? I knew the Ringwaiths and Orcs were beyond that, but the men that we fought were not. Why did I think of this now? I shut my eyes, as though I could wish away all my thoughts.

"What do you think of?" he asked softly, the words penetrating my mind.  
And I gave the answer, which all women use and always will do, defending themselves against men wanting to know everything.  
"Nothing."  
He lay contentedly back on his pillows, they were plumped up for him to read.  
"Liar." the word was meant in jest, but it cut me to the quick. He bit into an apple. I had no desire for him to pry into my mind, to know things about me. I decide I would do what Iroeth had suggested, I would make him talk.  
"Iroeth believes we cure both the body and the heart here, so is there anything you'd like to talk about…?" I finished lamely, what was I meant to say? His eyes held mine for what seemed an age and then he looked back towards the apple.  
"No." he said, quite calmly, "Is there anything you'd like to speak about?"  
The question caught me off guard, I didn't know what to make of it.

"I…No!" I finished hastily, he raised his hands, fingers splayed as though surrendering.  
"I was just wondering that's all." he ate some of the bread and meat, took a swig of water, "So, what is Rohan like to grow up in? I am imagining you were riding horses by five and could fight as well as any squire by nine or ten." he smiled. "Am I correct or horribly wrong?"  
"I…well…I suppose you are in some ways correct. I did learn to ride and fight as well as a man, but that was mostly after my father had died and we were brought to my Uncle's court to be raised as his children. I was learning to ride small horses before I arrived and I already knew a little sword play from fighting with my brother."  
I couldn't help but smile, "After we were at my Uncle's court I trained myself, in the way men train against dummies and straw men, and I always had my brother to practice with. I believe in some ways my Uncle saw this as humouring me, so he gave me first daggers then swords as birthday presents."

Faramir laughed at that, "No pretty dresses or bright ribbons for the Shieldmaiden of Rohan."  
I shrugged, "Certainly I had lovely dresses, ribbons and toys with which to play. But I mostly spent my time plaiting my first horse's hair with the ribbons, rather than my own."  
I remember a sudden, vivid recollection of doing the same to my brother's horse, then waiting in the rafters to see his reaction. I give a laugh in remembrance of his bellow of horror, then his charging off to find me, while I hid my giggles. When Faramir asked me why I smiled, I told him why and he gave another laugh.  
"That sounds like something my brother would do to me." his laughter died a little then.  
"Were you and your brother close?" From what I had heard I could not imagine the older Captain of Gondor, the apparently brave and brash man having patience with the rumoured younger Captain's more calm and intelligent manners.

"Aye, we were close. We were brothers and, despite our differences, we got on very well. The rumours were true…" his eyes looked at me, judging whether I had whole-heartedly accepted the rumours, though I had always despaired of gossip. "…My father disliked me and favoured my brother amongst all others; to him my brother could do no wrong. But rather than revel in this, my brother loathed my father's judgement of me, he always…he was…" He looked down at his plate.  
"He was always there." I supplied.  
Faramir looked up at me, but this time I held his gaze.  
"Aye and now I wish he was here again, though if I got that chance it is beyond me what I would say."  
"Perhaps words aren't necessary," I said, thinking with longing of my Uncle.

I drank from my goblet. My mind constantly hurried back to 'What if' moments, what if I had got there earlier? Could I have saved him…?  
"Eowyn," Faramir's voice jolted me out of my thoughts, "We must not blame ourselves for something that cannot be undone, and I have accepted that is both true of my brother's and father's death. My father, in his pride, overlooked my brother's weakness, but my brother's weakness was simply a desire to protect his people. Judging the people we love is harder than judging ourselves."  
I couldn't look into his eyes this time; I gripped hold onto a corner of the bed sheet and stared fixedly down at my goblet and plate.  
"Eowyn…?"  
"I am not unwell," I said leaping up, the tray almost sliding off the bed. "There is nothing wrong with me."  
"Eowyn, be patient. You went into battle for the first time, a hard lesson to learn, to fight knowing you will kill and then witnessed the death of your Uncle…"

I got my empty goblet and tray.  
"I am done." I replied.  
"Eowyn, please…"  
I walked swiftly away from his bed.  
"Will you come tomorrow?" he asked.  
I stopped before the door, reaching towards the handle. "No." I pulled open the door and heard his sigh of disappointment.  
"I have no time for your pity." I snapped, quickly closing the door behind me, not looking at his face.

I marched to the kitchens and put down my tray, tidied away the ingredients for food given to other patients.  
"So? How did it go?" Iroeth had crept into the room; she smiled, but then looked confused when I angrily turned towards her.  
"Iroeth, I have no desire for you to be my match-maker, nor to be trapped by any man. I do not wish to serve the Lord Faramir, I will serve as many patients as you like, but I have no need to share my feelings with a man."  
She looked at me with such a strong belief in her eyes, saying that I was wrong that I went back to scrubbing the surfaces. I expected her to give her usual huffing sighs and mutters, but she said nothing. Instead she picked up a mop and bucket and walked out of the kitchens. That was worse.

In the flat circular, silver plate before me I looked at my reflection, my fair hair tied back, solemn grey eyes stared back at me. Those eyes used to laugh with my smile, but I had grown too fearful of unwanted attention and the disappointment of death taking away everything you once knew.  
"I came to bring back my tray." a soft voice said behind me and it made my hands shake. I turned to look at him. I walked towards him and took the tray, without looking into his eyes again.  
"I am thinking of returning home." I said, when I had put the tray down on a table. "I miss it and I do not belong here." I looked up at him again, his face unfathomable this time, "I am sorry I could not serve you better."  
"You'll serve everyone better, if you reconsider."  
"You need to get back to bed, Iroeth would be angry." I reply, not wishing to talk about staying. I don't want him or any of his kind, pitiful words. I am tired from being trapped and held down by people thinking they feel my grief when they do not.

"For a strange reason I believe she would not be so angry with me, but perhaps with you, yes."  
I look up at him, "What–?"  
"You ran to here when you did not wish to return home and now, when faced with an inescapable truth, you run from here."  
"And what is this inescapable truth? That my Uncle is dead? I know that. That for seven years I felt trapped and alone, and when I thought a man, whom I could love, had come to save me from that cage…?"  
"You are more hurt than you would make out or like to believe."  
"I cannot be weak, you do not understand because you are a…you are a Captain and a Steward, a man. I have to be strong; because otherwise I will be…I don't wish to talk about this anymore!"

I march from the room, down the corridor, into my own, locking the door and sinking to my bed. As I did almost every day, for seven years I hide my tears and silenced my sobs. Why did I live? Why did I live? Why did I live? When at this time I so badly wish to die. I could not understand my selfish desire for it, when everyone told me to live was something to be celebrated.  
'I am a fool, a fool, a fool, a fool.' I whispered to myself. After a while, I dried my tears, straightened my dress, washed my face and unlocked the door. I went to the west wing of the Houses of Healing and was told to change several bandages on our patients. I did so without complaint or with really noticing what I was doing, just making sure I did a good job. The tasks and work kept my mind and body busy, so by the time I had finished I was exhausted, could quietly eat my dinner and fall into my bed without having any time to think about anything that had passed.

It was a dream I had often had since my Uncle's death, though it had become less frequent as time had moved on. I was almost accustomed to falling asleep and finding myself amongst the battle once more, trying to run towards my Uncle before the Witch-King got there first. Each time his mace would smash into my Uncle's side and when I had run over it would cleave my body in two. I always awoke at that time, cold sweat running down my back, a scream still in my throat. But this time as I woke, the leaves outside my windows rustled as someone moved back. I grabbed my sword from under my bed.

"Who is there? Reveal yourself or I will run you through." No one came forward, but I darted towards the window and clambered out, running round the corner, stopping in time before my sword hit Faramir's neck.  
"What are you doing here? Wandering around at this time?" I hissed, I pulled my sword away a little further, but did not drop it by my side.  
"I could not sleep, I decided to walk."  
"Walk by my window?" I glared at him.  
"I heard you talking in your sleep, I didn't realise that it was just that, I thought someone was with you."  
"And what if there was?"  
"Well it's very late to be entertaining guests." I could see the faint outline of a smile, as the moonlight trickled through the overhanging branches.

"You slander me?" I pushed the blade a little nearer to his neck.  
"No, I mean no offense. As I got closer you sounded distressed, so I…" I saw a glimmer of his eyes, with that concerned look; he didn't want to say anything if I believed it was pity. I eased my sword away.  
"I dreamt of my Uncle, I often do. I dream of not killing the Witch-King, of being killed myself." I kept my voice cool and steady. I heard his small gasp and saw his hand go towards my arm. I shifted myself away. I heard his soft laugh.  
"I fail to see why this amuses you."  
"I do not laugh at your grief or your fear, I laugh at your inability to allow anyone to feel any empathy for you. You seem to forget Shieldmaiden, I lost a loved one who protected and loved me in return, I know the pain and unending regret. I'll acknowledge I have never loved a maid, as you have loved a man…" on seeing my face he added, "Iroeth is a terrible gossip, is she not? But I certainly do not pity you, nor do I pity myself, for in these cases there is always choice."  
"It doesn't feel like it."  
"Often that just means we have a harder decision to make, perhaps more to lose or we do not know what we will gain. Now my lady, would you please mind taking your sword away from my chest, I do not doubt your abilities as a soldier."

I can feel my heart flutter wildly in my chest, I want to be loved, but my head tells me to trust as I have done would be to allow weakness into my soul. I bring my sword to rest at my side.  
"Thank you." he says, "I hope your sleep is no longer troubled by ill dreams," I nod, still staring at my feet.

"It is almost spring, the first blossoms are out." he says, pointing to a tree nearby; on a slim branch a few pale pink flowers have opened their petals. Faramir goes over and plucks off a small twig of blossom. He walks back towards me and pushes the twig into my plait, so they shimmer like soft pearls beside my silver looking hair as the moonlight catches them.  
"I know the moon is envious of you, so she shines upon you in the hope someone will see her importance, while making you…" I gaze up at him, his eyes hidden in the darkness.  
"Yes?"  
"But while no smile lights your lips, the moon knows she has won. You do not have to dine with me every day, but I would like to walk with you in the gardens at some point, if that is possible."  
I bite my lip, "It is, but it'll just be for a short while, I have my other duties."  
"I understand."  
"I was hasty, I am sorry for what I said."  
"We shall think no more upon it. Goodnight, m'lady." He gives a short bow and goes back to his room.

I stay for a few moments looking up at the moon, as she bathes Gondor in her silver light. I move my hand to my cheek, thinking the spring rains have begun, but I realise it is my tears and I weep. I stand on the brink of loss and unknowing, fighting the river that is sweeping me down a path I must face. It is time to lose my footing and plunge into dark waters. I was taught from the beginning, that those who feel fear but still fight on are braver than those who never know fear and its power over mind, heart and body. I go back to my own rooms and sink into a sleep where I do not dream and only awaken when the bright light of dawn streams through my windows.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three – Studying My Ways

I see him standing in the archway looking out towards the fields of Gondor, now being tilled by farmers. They were readying the soil for the crops in late summer. The land of Minas Tirith had not been attended to for some time, but the soil was fertile and the other regions of Gondor would come to their aid. Aragorn was a good King; he would ensure no one went hungry.  
Faramir turned to look when he heard my footsteps, his smile was so wonderful I couldn't help but smile back.  
"Good morning, my lady. I hope you are well."  
"Yes, thank you. I hope you are too."  
He nodded, "It is a fair day, and the land will be rich with crops by summer time." Faramir would've been a good King too, I thought, if Aragorn had not claimed his rightful inheritance.

Faramir smiled at me, "I have learnt your gestures, your eyes slant slightly to the left and you smile when you are thinking of something, especially that which is pleasant towards someone else." he grinned.  
"I am not accustomed to being studied." I said, laughing, "I was merely thinking that you care about the people's welfare because you care about the land, if Aragorn had not claimed his right, you would've been a good King."  
"I thank your ladyship, but I have no desire for it." he smiled. "I am mightily glad that Aragorn has taken the throne and I am free of such a responsibility, I was not born to be king. Will you walk with me?" He gestures towards the path, going through the trees.  
"Of course."

Faramir offers his arm and there is a moment where I do not wish to take it out of fear, but I had decided to no longer fear the help from others, I place my arm on his. I am almost surprised to find that it feels right there, in the same way when I feel the weight of a sword in my hand or have a shield strapped to my arm. As we walk we don't say anything, we don't need to, we are content with occasional glances at one another and when he smiles, I can't help but smile back. I tell myself time and again to stop being foolish, but I forget myself and the pain I had with the trust I place in him, I just hope he doesn't break my faith in him.  
"Ah, a small glance to the right and a twitch of your eyebrows means fear." I pull my arm away, though I laugh.  
"You will have to stop this, I feel as though you read my mind and it unnerves me."

He laughs in return, "Forgive me, a soldier always knows when his men feel fear or believe in their leaders. I have begun to recognise many looks, when people believe they are hiding them. But tell me what is wrong."  
"It is silly." I say.  
"I will be the judge of that."  
His eyes meet mine and I am once more overwhelmed by that inquisitive gaze, as though he already knows everything. At once he takes off his cloak and places it on the ground.  
"Sit." he commands, "Sorry, I mean, if you wouldn't mind my lady."  
I almost welcome the direct speech, the orders of a military man. I sit on the cloak, feeling the warm fabric. This was against his back, I contemplate. Then shake my head, why the position of his clothing is of any value to me I do not know. But sitting doesn't make me feel any better about revealing myself to him.

"Eowyn, it grieves me to see you fearful, tell me what is wrong." he begs, I turn my head slightly, not wanting to be examined by those sharp eyes again. I pluck the grass between my fingers, remembering that is what I used to do as a child. I open my mouth to reply, but the words do not come and instead I can feel my body shake with sobs, before I realise I have tears on my face. I begin to apologise, my shaking mouth barely letting breath escape my body, let alone words. But before I can say anything of real value, he has me in his arms, holding me while my body trembles.  
"I am sorry." I whisper.  
"Hush, you have no need to ask for forgiveness."  
"I cannot trust others, I trusted a man once and he…well he did not mean to hurt me, but I realise he only ever offered me pity and consolation, rather than love. It was futile and stupid to think otherwise."

I thank heaven we are hidden by trees, no one but Faramir sees my fear and shame, but how will I know that he stands beside me.  
"So, does that mean you do not trust me?"  
"No, I do. I just fear you will hurt me, perhaps by accident or…"  
Faramir closes his eyes and sighs, he gently lets me go.  
"Just as well I brought one of these along," he brings out a handkerchief; I wipe my eyes and thank him. He smiles sadly at me, "You can trust me Eowyn, I swear to that. If I have to become your Knight then I shall do so with pride."  
"I do not need a knight to defend me." I mutter.

Faramir laughs and I weakly smile, "Ah of course not, how could I forget your brave skill? Say, I have an idea, how about we go either riding or practice sword play?"  
"I do not know if I feel I can lift a sword yet, but I would like to ride my horse again." I reply, "I just don't know if I will have enough time to do so."  
"I'll persuade Iroeth," he smiles confidently and lies back on his cloak. I watch him close his eyes, it leaves him so defenceless and peaceful looking. I look out to the land surrounding Gondor, certainly I feel calmer. He promises me his allegiance. I have never believed in love at first sight, though I feel that Faramir found me beautiful from the start and liked me, now perhaps he thinks he loves me. But I don't know if he really does. There is such a thing as true love, two people created that are so fitting and perfect for one another, it could not be any other way. Whether they find each other or not is down to coincident.

"You will not let me fall asleep here and then leave me?" his voice drowsily says.  
I smile, "No, I shall wake you."  
He gives a yawn and sits up, "No, it is inconsiderate of me to fall asleep."  
"I do not mind." I reply. The day is warm, the sun is shining and there is no wind. I shut my eyes and lift my head to feel the sun glow warmly on my face. I think it is the first time I have really thought about how the weather made me feel, the misery in my heart never let me. Perhaps it has lifted a little. When I open my eyes I catch him looking at me with approval.  
"What?" I ask suspiciously, he smiles and looks away.  
"I am glad to see you content."

We spend almost an hour in each other's company, talking about our childhood. I tell him about the death of my father and my mother; how I had felt betrayed when she died, selfish because I felt so. He tells me more about his brother and training to be a Ranger, before leaving for his uncle's. He had missed his brother there, but not his father. I mention going to my Uncle's court and then the arrival of Gríma Wormtongue; the very name gives me shivers. Faramir's warm hand gently touches mine, I hadn't realised I had balled it into a fist.

Shortly, I am called back to work. I get up off the cloak and straighten my dress, he gets up with me and those ardent eyes look at me again. I remain dusting off my dress.  
"Tomorrow would you rather talk or go out riding."  
"I would like to ride."  
He bows to me, "I shall ready the horses tomorrow, meet me by the main gate."  
I nod, "But remember it can't be for very long or too far."  
"No, I understand. But I was also thinking, if you reject swordplay now, perhaps I can teach you a little archery."  
I press my lips together, "I've never been as good with archery, as with sword play."  
"Then this is an excellent time to learn." he said firmly.  
"I do not have my own bow."  
"I anticipated that, I got you one."

I can't help but smile at his eagerness to teach me. Wooing with weapons, I think.  
"I can bring it to you this evening or we can wait till tomorrow."  
"No I'd like to see it tonight; I'll see it after my dinner."  
He beams at me and gives another bow, "Good day then."  
"Good day Lord Faramir."

At dinner I ask for forgiveness from Iroeth and she happily gives it to me.  
"Lessons are more difficult to be learned, if you do not wish to be taught. Tomorrow I'll have you study in the library, you can look at the book of herb lore, I want the first five pages memorised."  
"Faramir has asked me to ride with him tomorrow."  
"Then go in the morning and return for the afternoon." she said.  
"Is this right, I seem to get more free time than any other healer?"  
"You forget you almost worked solidly for several months, you deserve a little time off, the other healers get that."  
I nod; I don't feel wise taking time off when the other healers do not, but if Iroeth says that they do, then I suppose I can.

I go to my bedchamber, finding Faramir standing outside my window.  
"You don't always have to use the window to come into my room."  
He climbs through the window and brings out a bow, it is not beautiful or elegantly crafted, but it is strong and weighs well in my hands.  
"I was always better at archery than my brother was, but my father never saw that." he murmurs. "He used to rebuff me, saying it wasn't noble to shoot your enemies from distances. But in that respect he and my brother were the same, they liked the sword."  
"I do not think it isn't noble, it is far better to save as many of your men's lives than to run rampant with a sword in battle. It is intelligent."  
"Well my father loathed any mention of my intelligence as it was, the bow didn't help." he smiled.  
"Iroeth has said we should go riding in the morning, after eating, then I can return in the afternoon I have to study in the library."  
Faramir agrees, then says nothing for a while.  
"Thank you for the bow." I say, my mouth feeling a little dry and uncomfortable. I put the bow on my table and pour myself a glass of water.

"Is it possible to seek something in return?" he asks.  
"If I wish to grant it, yes."  
"Then I fear you will not, can I kiss you?"  
My eyes glance up at him in shock, I did not expect this. I nervously swallow the water in my mouth. He looks very serious, grey eyes intent. I twist a corner of my sleeve into my hand. I am not ready for this. Then his eyes light up and he smiles.  
"Think not on it, it hardly matters. I shall bid you goodnight and farewell."  
"Goodnight." I whisper.

He gently holds my elbow and then courteously kisses my cheek. I feel that soft stubble rub slightly against my cheek and mouth, I can feel a butterfly flutter of desire within my heart and when he pulls back and I look into his grey, blue eyes I want nothing more than to forget myself and my distinction. He softly places his hand against my cheek.  
"Goodnight." he says, that intense look back in his eyes. He smiles and clambers over the window sill. I stay frozen to the spot, he gives me one last look and I hear his small chuckle of laughter as he walks across the garden.

I finally go to my bed, take off my gown and get into my nightdress. Rationalising thoughts in my head; what I felt was desire, yes, but that does not mean I specifically desire Faramir or love him. Conceivably, as a young woman I long to be touched, to be wanted, Faramir fulfils this role. It could even be said that I am placing my wishes of Aragorn upon Faramir…but I have not thought of Aragorn for some time now, and when I have it is only with regards to his being the king, not with any real affection. So, on the other hand, perhaps I do desire Faramir, but it is not love. 'Then what is love?' my mind whispers, as I lie down in bed. I do not know, I turn to face the wall and close my eyes, waiting for sleep to come upon me.

The morning dawns fresh and bright, another clear day and I am in my riding dress, the bow at my side. After eating, I make my way down the steps towards the main gate, now left open to allow the coming and going of good people, no longer shut against the ravages of war. Many of them greet me, some give cheers for the Shieldmaiden of Rohan, defender of Gondor, slayer of the Witch-King, but I am so eager to get to the gate, that I barely hear them. Then I slow my steps, why am I so eagerly rushing towards this? Why does my mind have to remind my body that it is under their control? I shake my head, whether I am rushing or not, to be late because I began a debate in my head is not something I would wish to delay the Steward of Gondor with.

I reach the gate in perfect time, but Faramir is not there yet. I smile at my bow.  
"Excuse me, m'lady."  
I look down, a little girl stands before me, she has her hair tied back in a brown plait.  
"Yes?" I smile.  
"My friends are saying you are too grand to fight with me, so I am here to request a duel." she says, her face very determined.  
"Alas, I have forgotten my sword."  
She produced a small wooden sword and presented it to me, I felt my heart grow lighter, she was such a determined and bright lass.  
"Before we begin I should know your name." I said.  
"Eostre." she said, smiling.  
"I am honoured to do battle with thee Eostre."  
She gave a small bow, "And I too, Eowyn of Rohan."

I determined to make my skill a little less so, when fighting Eostre, but she was learning very well and had some good parries. A crowd gathered around us, sometimes cheering Eostre, then looking guilty and trying to praise me, but not to dishearten the young girl. There was a moment as the crowd gave a larger cheer, when Eostre blocked one of my more defensive attacks, did I see Faramir smiling down at me from the stairs leading to the second circle. Eostre got in a point there, when I lost my focus. I took out my handkerchief in a sign of surrender.  
"Alas, I have kept the party waiting who intended for us to ride this morning," I said by ways of explanation, though I saw many eyes swivel towards Faramir and then a wave of whispering began. "You fight very well and I am honoured to be matched by such an opponent." I said to her.

"The same to you, my lady." said Eostre, she put away her sword and I handed back my own. The crowd began to disperse and Eostre ran back to her friends, giving me a wave as she went off. Her friends stared in awe, I laughed at their round little faces of surprise. Faramir came down the steps.  
"Forgive me for taking a little longer than I thought, though I see you kept yourself busy." he said, I laughed. "I do not know if the battling of young children is entirely fair entertainment." We began to walk.  
"She requested the battle; it would be of great offense to deny her." I replied.  
"Our horses wait for us outside, do not forget your bow." He pointed to the wall where I had lent it against. I ran over and picked it up, pulled it over my back again and made the string comfortable against my chest.

It was good to ride again, to feel wind whip deliciously past my face and the ground go flying past. I pulled round Windfola and waited for Faramir to catch up with me.  
"I had intended to talk." he smiled, the wind lifting back his brown hair.  
"Nay, not yet. Let us race."  
I saw his eyes cloud a little at that, "Why not?" I ask.  
"It is nothing," he smiled, a false smile.  
I trotted forwards, to his side. "Tell me."  
"My brother adored…"  
"Then we do this in honour and remembrance of him." I said.  
Faramir looked at me, there was something in his expression that reminded me of my own sadness.

"Think upon this, if Eostre had not challenged me this morning, then I may have never picked up a sword again."  
"You picked it up when I was outside your room."  
"Because I was scared, not because I wanted to."  
I felt that studying gaze on me again, but I did not look away, keeping my eyes level with his. He picked up his reins and held them more strongly in his hands.  
"To that collection of trees or to the mound of earth beyond that?"  
"To the mound of earth and then back to the trees." I smiled.  
"Very well, on the count of three; one, two –"

But I laughed happily and kicking Windfola in her sides, began a strong canter across the fields. I heard his cry of 'Cheat!', but pressed myself nearer against the horse, willing her to go faster. She did, rising into a gallop, but Faramir was used to battles and hard horse riding, he was soon gaining ground and catching up with me. We both reached the small hill at the same time, but Faramir turned his horse round more sharply than mine and he was soon racing off to the trees. I furiously kicked Windfola and she let out a wild neigh of joy, once more knowing her mistress was on her back and we were tasting freedom. I caught up with Faramir again, his eyes glancing at mine, then back to the path ahead. I was so far along Windfola neck I could've been wishing to make myself like air.

We galloped into the wood, pulling up our horses, all of us breathing fast. Windfola soon was excitedly stamping the ground, wanting to be off again, but I slipped off her reins and tied her to a low branch. Where she put down her head and began to pull up the grass.  
"I can hardly tell who won." Faramir said.  
I turned to him, smiled and laughed. He looked so content with my own happiness.  
"I feel so free." I spread my arms wide, as though I could encompass the entire earth in my short taste of happiness; I knew this feeling could not last.  
"You were right, that was good. I missed the excitement and the thrill of winning."

Faramir's breathing was still a little heavy; the wind had warmed his cheeks and he ran his hand through his hair. The once small butterfly desire suddenly coursed through my veins like hot fire. I pinched my hand to stop myself.  
"You did not win." I said.  
"Yes I did, my horse was a good couple of paces beyond yours."  
"That was when we were just entering the glade, I caught up."  
"You cannot win the sword match and the horse race, that is completely unreasonable."  
I laughed, "If you remember, my Lord, I did not win the sword fight. Eostre won that. But now perhaps I can beat you at archery too."

I took off my bow and Faramir unpacked his own and the arrows. 'I love him' my brain whimpered, delighting in realisation of it, until I told it to be quiet. I was not in love with Faramir, I could not be in love with Faramir. I looked down at my bow again, telling my mind it better hush or I would be most angry. Dear Valar, I thought, I have run mad.  
"Let's see if the 'White Lady of Rohan' can hold her bow correctly."  
As I lifted the bow to my side, pulling back the string as my brother had taught me, I felt a little wave of sadness grow inside me. I wished he just simply called me Eowyn, he did not say my name enough and I didn't like it any better when he gave me any of my titles.

"What is it? Out with it now, before we begin." he said.  
Damnation, I thought, "Am I so easy to read?"  
"No, you're actually one of the more tricky ones; you keep your mind well hidden. But don't think I missed that look of worry."  
"I would just prefer it…if you called me Eowyn, not one of my titles; I have no affection for them."  
I saw him trying to hide a smile on his lips, "Do you not take pride in your titles?"  
"Not much, they hardly mean anything."  
He nodded and then adjusted my footing.  
"You hold it very well as it is, though your elbow is a little high." He adjusted my arm.  
"That's just holding it though, not using it."  
"Give me half a moment of patience, Eowyn, and we'll practice with arrows in a short while. Just imagine you were shooting an arrow, how you would do it."

I focused on the target ahead, feeling for the right moment to loose the 'arrow'. When I did let go of the string, he gave a considerate nod and then fitted the bow with a real arrow, bringing his own over. I felt the arrow resting on my fingers, the delicate, tight pull of the string in my hand.  
"Good." he said softly. I released the arrow. It certainly did not hit the centre, but it was a close hit. Faramir remarked on my natural ability, though I reminded him I had a little training with archery, though not as much with swordplay. He fitted his own arrow into the bow and released it with almost no thought; it hit the centre with a dull thud.  
"I don't know how your father thought you were no good." I said. He smiled and gently took my gloved hand in his.

* * *

I didn't like the name Cheidith.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four – The Night Shall Bring the Day

Over the next few months we met many times and I grew better at archery, I liked having something to do that wasn't connected to either Rohan with horses and swords, or Gondor with healing and court-life. Archery was just Faramir. The concentration on the target made me forget everything, even Faramir's own intense look of desire. I occasionally caught him doing that, his normal light eyes darker in colour and a very pleasant look of resolve making him look both serious and amusing at the same time. I knew now that I was growing to love him, but was not willing to hurl myself into this particular river. My brother expected me home in a month and I knew I would return, I missed my home and my people, I needed to mourn my Uncle's grave properly. It was my duty to return.

I spoke to Arwen, now a good friend of mine, in wishing for this.  
"We must ensure you are well guarded, though I know your skills as a swordswoman are above question." she gave me a secretive smile; I had always liked the way she had called me a swordswoman. "Do you think you will return? For I shall miss your company."  
"I am not sure, my brother will wish me to stay for some time and I am happy too. Though Gondor has brought me much joy and contentment, I have learned so much."  
I walk along the gardens of the great palace with her, my mind thinking,  
"Learning to heal rather than to wound is a great comfort to me." I say.  
"Though I have heard rumours I'm afraid, where you intend to do more damage with both sword and bow. That Faramir has been instructing you with archery."  
"Oh!" I feel my cheeks burn at the mention of his name and the fact people have been speaking about us.

She smiled, her eyes all knowing, "My father would be impressed to know a woman like yourself knows how to fight and learn in equal measure." she sits down on a bench, "But will not you and Faramir be sad? To be apart for so long?"  
I forget myself momentarily, "Arwen!" I cry, then correct myself, "I mean, your grace…" She laughs.  
"You cannot hide this from me, elves are very adept at seeing others emotions, particularly humans when you have such a wide range and force of them."  
"Faramir is like that, but it is because he is a soldier and all good soldiers recognise when their men hide their fear." I murmur.  
"He also has the blood of Númenor running through his veins," she reminds me.  
I frown, "I don't know enough about him to love him. I forgot about that, at least."

Arwen lets out a very unladylike and un-Elf like giggle, "Love isn't about how much you know the other person, because you can always find out that later and even when you are old and dying you shall not know everything. Love is finding more about your own faith and trust, than anyone else, trusting the other person will always make you the best person possible."  
I thought of Faramir, recognising he would always make me better than anything I had been before, he was my confident, my companion.  
"But how do you know what love is, if you've never had it before?"  
She gave me a keen look, "I believe you fell in love with a man, before Faramir."

There had been a time when speaking of Arwen's husband had still hurt, but it no longer did so I could speak with ease.  
"That wasn't really love, Aragorn always loved you, he didn't love me in return."  
"It was a different type of love, perhaps the most cruellest when it is not returned, but love nevertheless. So, does the same joy and delight apply to Faramir as it did to Aragorn?"  
I was going to say yes, but then I reconsidered, "No."  
She looked bemused, "No? I thought…"  
"It is different, because Faramir loves me and I am different to how I was. But this is better, no offense meant towards your Lord."  
She smiled, "None taken, now for pity's sake find poor Faramir and tell him that you love him. I have seen that man in court barely taking delight from the food on his plate or wine in his goblet. Nor find delight in any of the dances he shares with my ladies, he spends his whole time looking around as if he could find you hiding in some dark corner."  
"Do you believe I should?" I get up.  
"Yes, go now." she follows me and takes my hands between her's.  
"Now?"  
"What is there to wait for?"  
I open my mouth, but cannot think of what to say.  
"He is aware of your intentions to leave and the pity in my heart for him cannot be released until you seek him."  
"Where will he be?" I can scarce believe I am doing this, but now it feels as though if I don't I shall be driven half mad, I have lived through too many lost chances, this shall not be one of them.  
"I know he is not with the King, so at his own house is more likely." she says.

I begin to run towards the steps, and then quickly curtsey towards Arwen who laughs at my lopsided bow and gestures for me to run on. I run down the stairs and then up the street towards his house, I do not have to explain my reason as I dash round a corner, unlike any other lady I am the Shieldmaiden of Rohan and I am glad of my title, giving me allowance to run like a mad spirit through the street. I finally reach his house, my chest heaving.  
"My lady…? Are you well?" a servant asks.  
"Quite well…is your lordship in?"  
"No, he went to walk in the gardens of the Houses of Healing. Can I offer your ladyship…?"  
I instantly turn back to go down the steps, but call back to the servant, "If his lord should return please tell him I need to see him and send someone to seek for me, I shall be at the Houses of Healing." Before he can answer I am down the steps and running up the street towards the sixth circle.

I run into the Hospital, almost knocking Iroeth over.  
"Good gracious girl! What is the rush?"  
I stagger to a chair to regain my breath.  
"Is Faramir still here?"  
She hides a smile, but her eyes shine. "He is out in the garden. But wait a moment, clear your face and wash your hands, I will waylay him."  
"Thank you." I gasp. When she leaves I see a gratified bounce in her step. I can't help but smile at the thought of going to Faramir, telling him the truth, something I've secretly longed to tell him for so long. While I wash my hands and face I think of all the times we have been together, going over every moment, the way he smiles at me and delights when I speak. The way his eyes were so deep and complex, but always carried that look of understanding.

I pulled down my rumpled dress and smoothed back my hair, but knowing with my uncontrollable smile that he would love me no matter if I was wearing a sack or had mud plastered to my head.  
"He's in the garden waiting for you." Iroeth had come back, I took her hands and kissed her cheek.  
"Thank you." I ran down the passageway, expecting that by the time I had reached the garden, Iroeth would have alerted the whole hospital and they would all be watching from the windows, healers and patients alike.

I saw him looking out to the fields again, this time the farmers and the labourers reaping the rewards of a good spring and warm summer. I had to stop at the top of the stairs, because it felt as though my heart would leap right out of my mouth. I calmed myself and then slowly walked down the steps, forcing myself not to become entirely ridiculous. Once more he heard my footsteps on the path and turned to look at me, but to my surprise he looked at me with eyes of agony. I forgot my quest and ran to his side,  
"Faramir, what is wrong?"  
"You intend to leave." he said, this time he looked down to his boots.  
"I leave only because I have to, I cannot neglect my brother or the duty I hold towards my people."

He said nothing, I reached towards his hand, he stepped back a pace. I felt my anger burn then, it was easy for him, here were his people and here was I. I was torn though, between my brother of Rohan and my lover of Gondor.  
"Faramir, it shall only be for a few months…"  
"Months? You do not know how…" he stopped himself, "Well then perhaps I should wish you a safe journey and your happiness." he turned towards the stairs.  
"Faramir, I have not said what I came here to say to you."  
"What is there to be said?" The look in his eyes could have killed me, but I took a breath in and forced myself to look into his direct gaze, he shifted them away from my own glare.

"Come back here." I requested, still standing in the archway. I saw his eyes say no, but unlike me Faramir had always listened to his heart and it controlled his feet. He raised his eyes to mine again.  
"Yes?"  
I took his hand, "I was a fool, not knowing what I felt and…" I realised that a long speech would never convey half of what I was feeling, so holding tighter onto his hand I spoke the truth,  
"I love you, Faramir, and as the King wishes to have me safe guarded on the journey I wish you to come with me. If you are not busy or…" I faltered, his eyes had not changed and that careful reflection was frightening me, I had been so assured of his love, did he not love me now? How could I have been wrong? I bit my lip, feeling the sudden weight of his hand in mine.  
"I am sorry…" I whispered, looking down at the summer grass now an emerald colour.  
"What for?" he asked.

I looked up, about to say I was foolish in the assumption and my confidence that he would love me. But he did not wait for my response, he let go of my hand and then placed his two hands either side of my face and bought his lips to mine. It felt as though my entire soul was wrenching free of my body, pushing itself up and out to spiral up to heaven. I felt his mouth warm and gentle on mine, the delicious sense of his weight pressing against my entire body; I reached around his shoulders because I could feel my legs shaking and I was scared I would fall, though I would be damned if I stopped this. I may have as well been running all over again, for by the time he pulled away, my heart hammered in my chest and I breathed heavily.

His smile was the broadest I had ever seen it and it filled my heart with joy, he held me in his eyes, those grey-blue eyes alight with love. He pulled me to his chest, burying his head down towards mine, kissing my neck. 'His touch must have Númenor power within it.' and for once I agreed with my mind, everywhere he touched my body, my shoulders, my waist, my neck and my mouth it felt as though he had left a sense of a white flame cleaning every inch of me.  
"My love, my love," he whispered as his mouth past over my neck, onto my jaw, "My heavenly love. Eowyn." He breathed my name with relief.  
There was a sudden wild whooping from the building and as we turned we could see the healers and patients clapping and cheering, I felt my cheeks burn a little and I buried my face into Faramir's chest. He smiled outwards towards the halls.

"May blessings rain upon the Shieldmaiden of Rohan and the Steward of Gondor!" screamed a very familiar voice and then a multitude of other voices joined in:  
"May you have happiness wherever you go!"  
"May love always shine upon you."  
"You going to marry her then?"  
"If he doesn't, he's a damn fool!"  
"Damn you, damn…Oh, no wait…!"  
I couldn't help laughing and Faramir softly whispered to me, "I believe we have the blessing of Gondor secure in our name." I couldn't say anything, I was too wildly happy.

"My love, do you know how irresistible you are?" he said, very quietly, so only I could hear.  
I bit my lip again and he gave a groan of complete desire, pulling me to him again and kissing me. This was met with more cheers and I watched as Iroeth received money from several people either side of her.  
"Iroeth, did you have a bet on this?" I asked, pulling away from Faramir.  
"Aye, my lady, I believed the chances were fair." she gave me a wink and smiled fondly at us both.

* * *

"I was going to give you this as a parting gift," Faramir climbs into my room and retrieves a package from my bed, he hands it to me.  
"Should I still have this?" I asked.  
"Yes."  
I open it, a dark blue cloak pools onto the floor and I quickly catch it. It is very beautiful, with a black trim and silver stars.  
"I hope you do not mind that it was my mother's, but I knew it would suit you very well and I did not know of anything to prove my love to you. I was going all over Gondor searching the markets from dawn till dusk, looking at jewels and scabbards, diadems and Elven bows, but I hardly wanted to give you a weapon to show my love." he smiles, takes the cloak in his own hands and pulls it round my shoulders, pulling up the hood over my head. "I was nearly going mad, and then I thought of my mother's cloak, the traditional gift the men in our family have always given to their wives."

"Then I can't have it." I said, pulling down the hood.  
"What? Why?"  
I smiled, "We are not married."  
He put his head to one side and gave me an incomprehensible look.  
"What?" I asked.  
"No." he replied simply.  
"No?" I laughed.  
"No. I shall not accept that, you will need the cloak because I now intend to ask your brother if I can marry you. If you will take me, as I am. I am aware that my lot is no longer as great as it was and there are a good many men who would wish for your hand…"  
"I have no desire for them though, no love for them. It is you I want, Faramir." I feel his name in my mouth, the pleasant feeling of love when I say his name. He seizes me in his arms and kisses me again,  
"You are perfect Eowyn, perfect, perfect."

I stagger a little as his kisses drown me in happiness and we end up falling to the bed.  
"I don't want to crumple the cloak…" I attempt to say.  
"No." he refuses to let me up, "I shall not waste any moments when you are not in my arms but could be." I feel his mouth fall heavily on mine, his teeth nipping my lips, his hands wrapped around my waist. This is everything I have lived for; dying is a waste when you have a love like this.

He stays with me till the evening; I lie in his arms and feel my whole body humming and singing. He rouses himself and kisses my forehead and cheeks.  
"I must be gone, otherwise your reputation will be in tatters and your brother will have my head."  
I want to tell him to stay, but I know he will not. He's an honourable man. So I say nothing and kiss him, kneeling beside him and kissing his mouth, his hand wrapped in my fair hair. He lets out another groan of sheer longing.  
"Ah if only I could stay…you drive me mad Eowyn, I want you for my wife as soon as possible." I smile and he strokes my cheeks, then my lips, making me close my eyes with bliss. We kiss again.

I feel such relief that we are true to one another, that we really felt love for one another. It feels as though my mouth has been numbed by kisses and his soft biting could make me weep with desire. My body shivers again and I am glad I am sitting on the bed, his arms wrapped strongly around me.  
"I have absolutely no desire to go." he says, looking down at me lying comfortably on the bed. "You'll have to make me."  
"I have no desire to tell you to leave." I smile.  
"No Eowyn, you'll have to do this…" I laugh at the pained expression on his face.  
"Leaving me never troubled you before."

He gives me an outraged look and I hide my giggle, "You have no idea how I felt, every day when we parted I just wanted to take you in my arms and kiss you from head to toe, even if that meant I had to do so in front of all the people of Gondor."  
"I knew a little…" I say.  
"You knew I loved you?" he seems even more outraged. I grin and he lies against me and kisses my mouth.  
"Eowyn…How could you?" His expression and mock-pain makes me burst out laughing while his lips are still against mine.  
"This is no laughing matter, I was mooching around like a little, lost puppy, I must have looked pathetic." his face is serious, but his eyes are humorous.  
"Arwen told me you were not eating properly or found any delight in dancing with other women."  
"Indeed I did not and now I find you knew…"  
"It was mostly just me being fearful, that is why I did not do anything. When we first started riding out and archery practice, I did begin to feel…" I blush, the memory of that hot desire both delights and shames me.

"What did you feel?" I can hear the teasing tone underneath the inquisitive.  
I giggle, but refuse to say why.  
"Come now, you cannot say that, then tell me not what you felt! Haven't I been tortured enough?"  
I spend a little time mulling this over and then mischievously reply, "Nay, my Lord." He sighs dramatically, then buries his head in my shoulder and his hands grab my waist and tickle me. I beg him to stop, while I roll on the bed laughing, messing up the bedclothes and wriggling around like an eel.

"Now, now, that's enough you two." Faramir looks smiling upwards, Iroeth is in the doorway. He gives me a kiss on my forehead, then mouth and softly whispers that he loves me and will ride out with me tomorrow. He makes a swift bow to Iroeth, who grins, and then he makes his way out of my room and down the corridor. I sigh contentedly back on my bed.  
"Knew a little love would do you good." she says. I fear I am smiling like a dolt back at her, but cannot think of anything to say. I am too happy for anything.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five - A Blessed Time

The days continue in a blur, I am too full of happiness and love to really think about anything else. I dine at his house with him; we are at court together and go out riding to our favourite cluster of trees. He still teaches me how to use a bow and arrow, but finds every excuse to be near me; his chest pressed against my back, till I throw away the pretence of the bow and turn round to kiss him. Now I sit under the shade of an oak, Faramir lying in my lap his hand reaching up to wind my hair between his fingers.  
"Every day's been a blessing since you told me you loved me."  
I bend down and kiss him.  
"I am blessed." I whisper, settling myself against the tree, beginning to stroke his forehead, down his cheeks towards his mouth, I feel his mouth move to kiss my fingers and I smile. I feel his frown, before I see it.

"What is it?" I ask.  
He takes my hand and kisses it, "You will have to go back soon. I want these days to be everlasting."  
"But you are coming with me, are you not?"  
"Yes, of course." he relaxes happily in my lap again.  
"And you still want to marry me?"  
He opens his eyes, I think every time I see those grey eyes I fall in love a little more, and sits up.  
"If I let you go I would live to regret it every day, I know that." He kisses me and then sits against the tree with me, clasping my hand in his.  
"When I wish these days to be everlasting, I just mean I would live every moment with you all over again…in a way I do, when I lie in my bed each night."

I can't help but smile, "When we are wed, I will be in your bed every night." I know the thought is a temptation for him, but the irresistible thought of lying with Faramir every night, talking, kissing, holding one another and more besides makes me wildly pleased.  
"Mm, what are you thinking of my love, with that mischievous smile of yours?"  
I laugh, "Nothing that would interest you."  
He turns to face me, "And why would that be when you seemed so delighted at the thought of sharing my bed?" He raises his eyebrows and his eyes have nothing but dark desire in them, I go towards him to kiss him and then pull away at the last minute, he makes a frustrated, little groan. I laugh again and go to kiss him, I know he secretly adores it when I tease him thus, for he'll soon grab me, push me to the ground and cover my face in kisses.

"Why do you do that to me? You are nothing better than a coquettish tease." he later says, after furiously kissing me. I roll on top of him.  
"Excuse me, sir, 'a coquettish tease'? Would you rather I was distant and remote?"  
"Oh no, definitely not." he pulls me to him and I kiss him, loving him entirely.  
"Perhaps it is simply because my lord is very easy to tease." He gives me a mock-hurt look and then rolls over, so I am beneath him and he on top. It is while we are kissing, that his thigh slips a little between my legs and I feel his groin become firmer than it was before. He pulls himself up almost at once, a look of shame on his face so hugely comical I end up laughing. I see him breathe a sigh of relief.

"I am sorry, I just…Well I do desire you."  
"Is that what you think about in bed each night?" I grin.  
"No…well yes, in some ways." I laugh further, getting up and straightening my dress. I wrap my arms around him and yet I feel him stiffen.  
"Not just yet, otherwise it'll take forever to go and I'll never hear the end of it, especially from Aragorn." I bite my lip to stop myself laughing.  
"I never knew men had such troubles."  
"Aye, we have troubles alright." he replies, going to his horse and untying him.  
"We must go back?" I ask sadly.  
"Yes my love, we have lost all track of time, it is almost evening."  
I walk out of the trees and see the sun is low in the sky, clouds creating shadows when they past. The farmers are disappearing home for the night.  
"I hadn't realised…" I said.  
"Don't look so forlorn my love. We'll come back tomorrow."  
"We can't come back after that."  
"Now stop this, otherwise I will have to spend all night sleeping on your floor to comfort you. You know I ride with you in two days' time."  
"I know, but I shall miss Gondor and all the learning I have done, the friends I have made here." He raises my hand to his lips and kisses it.  
"You came here with regrets, do not leave with others."  
I care not whether Aragorn is merciless, I fall into his arms and feel him wrap his around me, then rest his head on top of mine.  
"You are unbelievably lovely." he kisses my hands again and goes to free my horse.

He helps me into the saddle and rests against Windfola's side, still holding my boot in his hand.  
"Faramir, what on earth are you doing?" I say.  
"Admiring this little foot of yours," I snort with laughter and push him away with my boot.  
"You have grown soppy." I say, as he swings himself into the saddle.  
"We shall see if I have grown so soppy that I cannot beat you on the race back." Neither of us wait for a count, we both dig our heels into our horses and race across the ground. I glance to his face, sheer determinism; he'll not be called soppy if he can help it. I laugh joyously; my hair whipped back and I follow him apace on Windfola.

He does beat me, unfortunately, though we are pretty well matched. I jump down from Windfola, Faramir's boy takes our horses to the stables. Faramir walks towards me, looking incredibly smug.  
"I let you win that one." I say.  
He gives a sigh and puts his hands on my firm waist. "If I didn't love you as much as I did, then I would demand a duel for my honour."  
I pull away with excitement, "Let us have one."  
"What? Here?"  
"No, at yours, then we'll go to the court together to dine."  
"Very well, my lady. You shall taste the wrath of the Steward of Gondor."  
"Is this the same Steward who became so enamoured with my boot?"

He closes his eyes and his head falls backwards slightly with embarrassment.  
"Please do not tell Aragorn, Gimli or even Arwen about that, the torment I shall get for that will be unending."  
I laugh, "Perhaps I will keep quiet, if you beat me in our combat." He grabs my hand and pulls me through the streets. As we run past merchants, farmers, women and children I can see their smiles at the romance of the White Lady and the Captain of the Rangers, they all see it as a wonderful tale with brave battles and love blossoming in springtime. It is the perfect legend to them, but to me I love our imperfections.

For all he says about his father's disappointment in him as a swordsman, he fights very well. His main talent does lie with archery, but he has good skill with a sword and though I am slightly better, he puts up a good fight.  
"What happens if the Steward of Gondor–" he dodges my stroke, "…wishes to kiss the Shieldmaiden of Rohan?"  
"Then he must surrender." I reply.  
"Haven't I already? I've lost myself…" he has a good defensive attack, "…to the beautiful and clever Lady, Eowyn." He catches the blow of my sword with his own and pushing away my weapon kisses me. I drop my sword.  
"I surrender," I smile, as his hands wrap around my back. "You can win…on this occasion."

I feel his body stiffen again and I give a throaty laugh, he pushes himself away from me and sits against the stable wall, head in hands.  
"What am I to do?" he murmurs.  
I sit beside him, "There is nothing to fear Faramir, I know you love and desire me, as I love and desire you. I am not one of those ladies at court who thinks that a man brings shame on her if he desires her. I'm not a romantic fool."  
He smiles at me, kisses my hand and then pushes back his hair. The fire within my veins travels towards my stomach, inching closer towards my thighs. I pinch myself again.  
"There is an obscene expression the soldiers' use, when a man is particularly enamoured with a woman, 'cunt-struck', I fear I have fallen foul of it." he smiles ashamedly.  
I laugh both out of shock at the crudeness and Faramir just being Faramir.

I put my head back and allow the soft breeze to cool my forehead, the last sinking rays of sunlight making the stable circle appear golden. I feel his mouth on my left cheek, his hand cradling my other. I open my eyes to look at him.  
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."  
"And you are the most handsome and hopeless man I have ever met."  
"Hopeless?"  
I sit astride his legs and kiss him, "Aye, soppy and cunt-struck." I laugh and he closes his eyes.  
"I had thought I had won my honour back in duelling you?"

I then wrap my arms around his neck and cling close to him, my feeling of love overwhelming me. I kiss him all over his mouth, his neck, his jaw feeling that stubble rub against my cheeks and a growing feeling of wanting his hands underneath my dress, resting on my waist or caressing my breasts. I get up when my desire comes back and I could easily drag Faramir into a stable and let him have me like a country slut, though I know nothing of the deed. I am just simply listening to the longing within my heart and the aching between my thighs. His eyes open instantly.  
"I was enjoying that." he gets up, and I think he sees my flushed cheeks and keen eyes. He goes to kiss me, but I place my hand by his mouth.

"We must go to the court to dine, otherwise we will be late."  
He lets out a soft groan, "We could dine here?"  
"No, Arwen wished to have my company. Come, we cannot spend all our time with one another, and ignore our friends and allies." He embraces me then, not saying a word, but pulling me in his arms and holding me there.  
"Time goes by with you far too quickly." he finally says, I nod.  
"I love you." I whisper against his cheek.  
His arms tighten around me and he buries his face nearer into my neck.  
"I love you too, Eowyn."

"You must tell your brother I wish him well and send him Gondor's allegiance." Aragorn says to me.  
"I shall send him all your greetings." I reply, the bread here is soft and Arwen's love of green leafed salads accompany each meal, the gardens of the palace now divided between flowers, herbs and vegetables. This productivity is something I prefer to the cold, empty grounds. Faramir seems more at ease with this new growth, the halls full of laughter and mirth, rather than his father's unending bitterness. I still see him fearful of what this place used to mean to him, as he uneasily takes the goblet of wine to his mouth. Underneath the table I take hold of his free hand, he quickly smiles at me. I return back to my dinner, feeling consciously aware of how daintily the other women eat theirs. I have manners well enough for court, but they pick around the edge of their plate and every time they look at me I feel as though I am being greedy and gluttonous. At Rohan we actually finish the food on our plate; it was needed when we rode out daily into cold winds.

Faramir does his duty and dances with the ladies of the court, when the musicians play songs of amusement and the courtly dances. Arwen begs a little time to talk with me, while the first dances take place and so I sit by her side and we talk. She gives me a parting gift, an Elven crafted diadem, so beautiful and fragile I am half afraid to set it upon my head in case it breaks.  
She smiles slyly, "It is deceptive, it is a lot stronger than it looks."  
I understand the compliment and she places it upon my fair hair, the soft, winding, silver leaves look well against my light hair and grey eyes.  
"Thank you, my lady. It is very beautiful."  
"Come and walk with me." she says. I take her proffered arm and we go to the hallway that passes by the hall, though all the doors are still open so the dancers are seen.

Her role of queen disappears and she clasps my hands, "I have already told Aragorn and he intends to announce it after dinner, but I had to tell you too…" she says breathlessly.  
"What is it?" her excitement too giddy for me and so I am already thrilled before she tells me,  
"I am with child."  
"Arwen, that is wonderful news." I embrace her and she smiles, her face alight with happiness.  
"Now tell me of you and Faramir, does he intend to marry you? There are a dozen rumours going round the city every day, I hardly know which is true."  
"It is why he rides with me; he intends to speak with my brother…"  
"I am filled with joy for you both." she said, her eyes full of kindness.

I looked out to him at that moment, seeing him dancing with another woman, her head bent towards him and a look of delightful teasing on her face. 'Not on my watch.' I instinctively twitched my hand towards my waist, where my sword would have been. Arwen laughed.  
"Even your jealousy, Eowyn, is wonderfully your own. I doubt if any other woman would reach towards their belt as though a sword lingered there, though many women probably feel the same."  
"I do not mean to do so, I am sure she means no harm." Though as I said it, I kept my eyes upon her as if daring her to make a single move in enticing Faramir.  
"Come, she is not worth your time; you have Faramir's love and admiration. He will not wander."

She took my arm back in hers and we walked through the doorway, up towards the great table. Aragorn smiled at us both, as an advisor he had been talking to bowed and left.  
We spent some time talking about Rohan, how the Hobbits had been so lively and joyous, how Gandalf had released my Uncle from his enslavement and my home became a place of happiness once more with the arrival of Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas. My eyes wandered over to Faramir and the lady as the danced finished, he gave a bow and she curtsied, her eyes attempting to look into his own. I hid a smile, he was mine.

"May I request the next dance with you, my lady?" he came over and asked me.  
"You may." I smiled, as he took my hand and we took our place by the other dancers. I felt his hand softly clasp mine.  
"Who was that lady?" I asked, the music beginning and we started the first steps.  
"You are surely not jealous, my lady?" he smiled.  
"Nay." I lied. I saw his eyes sparkle.  
"You need not fear, there is no other for me than you. This is the first time I have been truly happy here, for the memory of my father's life is fading and you are here."

He lifted me, his hands on my waist. I can feel every fibre within my body yearn to kiss him. I know rumours about us abound around the city; to look at one another like this will only confirm these to the court, he cannot take his eyes from me, grey-blue eyes drinking me in. Who cares if he admires other women, I know I have him, from his heart to his boots. I smile in remembrance of this afternoon and he leans his head close to me,  
"What are you thinking of, my love?"  
I adore it when he calls me that, calls me his and his love. "How you fell so heartily for my riding boot." I giggle.  
His eyes close momentarily and he grins, "I shall never live that down, will I?"  
"Not a bit, my love."

* * *

"Stay, stay, stay." With each word he kisses me. We are back in his house and I know if I do my brother will have to decide which one he shall murder first.  
"Faramir, you know I cannot."  
His pent up lust means he rests his head on my chest and lets out a low moan.  
"You will be the death of me." he whispers.  
"I am not doing anything; you are the one begging me to stay. I have made no promises."  
"Stay just a little while." he begs.  
"Faramir…"  
"Let me just lie in your lap and sleep a little while."  
"I fear you have drunk too much wine." I say, smiling.  
"Aye, I fear that too love. So comfort me…"  
"Comfort you?"

He looks up, boyishly, roguishly, how could I say no?  
"Just for a little while, then I must be gone." I sit on the soft bed and he lies in my lap. I admire the handsomeness of his face, the softness of his light beard. His eyes closed once more, that defencelessness I adore. I love the way Faramir gives me absolutely all of his love, he is a man of earth, yes, but a man of fire also. I smile, this works, because I am a lady of earth and a lady of water. I stroke my hand through his soft hair and the strength of his neck and shoulders lying on me. I feel so content and peaceful I close my eyes for a moment.

I dreamily wake up to a pleasurable sensation between my thighs; Faramir is softly nuzzling into my groin, rubbing against my dress so my flesh becomes softened with delight. I desire nothing more than to have his hands stroke my legs, up to my thighs and then…I jolt myself out of this pleasure, pulling myself away from him.  
"Faramir, I told you…"  
"You closed your eyes."  
I laugh, "That is not my consent for you to…"  
"I can't resist you."  
"Well you shall have to, until we are wed."  
He lets out a groan and falls back onto the bed. I gently climb onto the bed and crawl to his side, lying on my side to face him.  
"Sorry, my love." he whispers, tenderly kissing my cheeks.  
"We will have to be married very soon." I say.  
He smiles, "Yes."

I place my head on his chest, feel him kiss and stroke my forehead. We lie contentedly side by side for several minutes, until I break the silence.  
"Faramir…?"  
"Mhm?" he is almost asleep again.  
"How many women have you been with?"  
I feel his body jerk slightly, as the honesty of my question hits him.  
"I…Not many."  
"How many is 'not many'?" I say, beginning to laugh, "We can be honest with one another; I am not a blushing maid."  
"One or two, here and there. When I was twenty my brother learnt of my unbedded status, dragged me off to the taverns, where we drunk several excellent tankards of mead and then took me off to a lady, who…" he tails off. I kiss him.

"You needn't think I do this because I am jealous, I would just like to know. You know I haven't been with any other man and I…I am nervous, about what I have to do."  
He smiles and strokes my face, his warm hand passing over my eyes, my nose, my lips, "It is not something to be learnt by reading a book, the act itself is far more complex and strange than that. But I never loved any of those ladies. I am glad I have been blessed with a love like this."  
"Me too." I open my eyes to look into his. Then I got off the bed and pulled the belt around my waist more firmly.  
"Where are you going?"  
"To the Houses of Healing, to bed."  
I saw he was going to argue with me, but I quickly walked over and put my hand against his mouth.  
"Nay, come my love, I must not be ruined with gossip." I say, kissing him. He falls back to the bed smiling, then gets up and puts my discarded cloak around my shoulders.  
"I will not have your name smeared with ill repute."  
"Good."

I can't stop smiling that night and I think I will never stop smiling ever again. I am a blessed woman, with a love few are lucky to have. Arwen and Aragorn are the same, their eyes lit with the same passion when he revealed to the court that she was bearing his child.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six – I Raise My Sword to Thee

We set off early; once more all of Minas Tirith appeared, including the King and Queen. I smiled happily and the children followed our horses, eager to give me flowers and corn dollies in the shape of small horses. I had a few soldiers accompanying me, Faramir leading them, for my protection as we travelled back to Rohan. There rises a cheer from the Houses of Healing and they throw sweet smelling herbs and flowers over our heads.  
"Hussah for the fair Lady of Rohan!"  
"Vanquisher of the Witch-King!"

I raise my hand in acknowledgement and smile at them all, as they open the gates to allow our riders to pass through. I remember my promise and the gates remind me of flood gates, opening to reveal another river where I must either swim or drown. I have the diadem Arwen gave me, the cloak and bow Faramir gave me packed away. But my sword is at my side again and Windfola recognises the weight against her's. As the gate opens she rears with excitement and I see the soldiers run to my side to attempt to control my horse, I shake my head and calm Windfola with soft words.  
"We will canter when we are out the gate."

The cheers grow louder as Faramir and I leave through the gates, I see the young girl Eostre run pass the stone walls and stand on the edge, with her friends, waving. When I smile and wave back, they all draw small wooden swords and hold them up as a salute to me. All very solemn and serious, it makes me laugh. But a clattering of arms makes me look back again; all the soldiers of Minas Tirith and even the King have drawn their weapons in a salute to me, I steady Windfola so I can look back. Faramir and the group of men around us look back in that instance, Faramir catches my eye and smiles; he draws out his own sword and his men do the same. I feel so weighted by this honour I can't help but look down to my hands holding the reins, then I look up and draw my own sword holding it up first for Eostre and her friends, then the King, then I turn Windfola to Faramir. He grins.

I replace my sword in its sheath, turn Windfola back towards the north and then allow Windfola to enjoy her freedom and the realisation she is heading for home. She eagerly stretches out her neck and begins a strong canter, as I hear the cheers fade behind me. Faramir catches up with me and smiles at my joy.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven – One of Us

"Brother!" I cry excitedly, jumping down from my horse before any of the men can help me and running towards him, to his open arms.  
"You are welcomed sister. You arrived here earlier than expected." His smiling eyes glance towards our horses and he spots Faramir, Éomer frowns. "Why is Lord Faramir here?"  
"He was my guide and protector, and you shall treat him with kindness." I say, as Faramir comes over and bows to my brother.  
"I thank you for serving my sister well, you are welcome here Lord Faramir."  
"I am glad to be of service, my Lord. My men are tired, can they rest?"  
Éomer nods and Faramir goes to speak with his men.

"You must've ridden hard; I thought it would be more like two weeks, than a week and a half." Éomer says.  
"You forget I am used to distances like these and a soldier's march." Éomer nods, then looks over to Faramir, disapproval written across his face.  
"Éomer, please. Lord Faramir has been very kind to me and…"  
"Very kind, if the rumours are true." My brother looks at me with his grey eyes, judgement already forming.  
"Please do not believe all the rumours and consider that Minas Tirith is almost four hundred miles hence. What you may have heard may have been changed or elaborated upon since it left Gondor. But I will confess to you now, that I do love Faramir."

He nods, my brother of Earth, accepting this as though it is some form of science, not love. He gives a quick, even smile to Faramir who walks towards us.  
"You and your men are to stay with us for some time, until you are rested enough for travel." I say to Faramir, who bows his head in consent.  
"I thank your ladyship."  
I detest this mask of formality we now have, but I warned Faramir, while we travelled, that my brother would not take well to displays of affection. I longed for the touch of his hand on my back.  
"So the journey was easy then? No bands of orcs?" Éomer asks.  
"No, the journey was peaceful." I reply.

"Except for the weather, it is growing warmer." Faramir says, "We are going to have a long summer I believe."  
"Surely better than being soaked to your skin and having not a dry place to sit?" Éomer says.  
Faramir laughs easily, "That is certainly true."  
"You will dine with us tonight?" Éomer asks.  
"Certainly, if your majesty permits it." Faramir says. Éomer nods, but continues the walk to the King's Hall. I smile on seeing my home, though my heart somehow whispers I will be met by my Uncle when I reach the top of the stairs. My step falters knowing I will not. Faramir turns back to look at me, he walks towards me.  
"Forgive me; my mind was drawn to the past." I say, he nods, understanding, quickly touches my hand.  
"Come Eowyn. This is your home."

"These will be Lord Faramir's room, while he remains here." Éomer points to some of the finest rooms in our Hall, but I know he dislikes Faramir, whether from a brother's love or from Rohan pride I do not know.  
"I thank your lordship." replies Faramir, he is very respectful, so I do not know how my brother can dislike him and both enjoy reading. Perhaps I can find a way to lure both to the library and then shut the doors from the outside. I smile and Faramir involuntarily smiles back, as though my happiness controlled his, Éomer frowns.  
"We are having rabbit stew tonight–"  
"My favourite!" I cry.  
"I asked the cooks to prepare it especially for you." Éomer says.  
"Thank you, I think I will go to my rooms and bathe first. The road was very dusty. Faramir if you wish to bathe you can order a bath too." I say, he nods his head.

"I think I will my lady." I shiver with delight, knowing in his heart he is saying 'my love', the manservant steps forward.  
"Does my lord wish to bathe now?"  
"We intend to eat in three hours' time." says Éomer. "It may be wise."  
"Then I shall, thank you." The manservant walks off towards the kitchen and Éomer gives nod of his head to Faramir, who bows and then enters his room.

I smile at my brother, who rolls his eyes and begins to walk down the corridor towards my own rooms. I catch up with him.  
"What is Éomer?" I ask playfully.  
"I told you not to go husband-hunting." he says.  
I laugh, "This was unintentional, believe me."  
"Eowyn, I confess I think this unwise…"  
"Why?"  
"Because while the people of Gondor have great affection for you, I am unaware if the people of Rohan will love this Steward a good deal. They will see him as stealing you from them."  
I laughed again, "Stealing me? As if anyone could steal me, I would not allow it. But even if the people did feel this way, they either have a choice of me being happy and being with the man I love, or me being completely miserable and being here. I know which one I'd prefer. But tell me if this is you speaking or our people?"  
I walk into my room, happy to see my bed like an old friend.

"I just think…" begins Éomer.  
"So it is you…Éomer, the enmity between our people and Gondor is over."  
"I just think Eowyn; you could have better men…"  
"Better men in comparison to Faramir? Faramir who would do anything for me, die for me if need's be." I feel my anger pour through my veins, no one, not even my brother, will judge my love.  
"I am not saying he is a noble man, but he no longer has his great name and…"  
"He is steward to the King, whom you hold allegiance to. The king sent his blessing for this household and kingdom, he trusts Faramir. Faramir is one of the King's greatest advisors and closest friends, and you say he is not fitting for me?"  
"Eowyn, all I believe is that you do not need to marry Faramir for loyalty between Gondor and Rohan…"  
"That wasn't my intention." I snap.

"The marriage could be used to create another alliance with a kingdom."  
"Why don't you fulfil that wish then? I don't see you intending to marry anyone. I will not allow any man to dictate to me what I can or cannot do."  
My brother looks at me carefully, "Forgive me, I did not mean to offend you or your love. But our family was never at ease with Faramir's family…"  
"Not all family members are alike," I give Éomer a sly grin, "As you well know. Besides, Faramir was never at ease with his own family; his father hated him and adored his older brother, Boromir."  
My brother sighs, "Perhaps it is just me then, I don't want to have my sister back so soon and then lose her again."  
"You are not losing me; I will always be your sister, as I will always be the White Lady of Rohan, but now there is a new part to me, of loving Faramir and wanting to be his wife."

I had rarely been so honest with my brother, though we had always been close, but he allowed himself to remain cool and calm, whatever he was faced with. He sighed once more and gave a short bow to me.  
"Prepare Lady Eowyn's bath, please." he said to my maid-in-waiting, he then turned to me, "We will discuss this more tomorrow and if Faramir asks for my blessing." I nodded and then curtsied, Éomer smiled.  
"You are still my sister; you have no need to do that." I smiled back.

My maids bought in the wooden tub and steaming jugs of hot water, pouring it into the bath. I undressed and slipped into the warm water, the comforting feeling of heat surrounding my body and the softening of hard, worn skin from riding.  
"You can go; I can do this by myself." I said smiling. They nodded their consent and left my room, Braenna my lady-in-waiting said she would wait in the chamber outside my main room, if I needed her. I rested back my head on the smooth, wooden edge. My soft hair dribbling into the water and flowing outwards like waterweed. I looked down to the water lapping at my arms, my breasts becoming soft and firm within the water. I closed my eyes with bliss and poured the hot water over my skin. I wondered vaguely to myself whether Faramir was bathing yet, perhaps when we were married we could bathe together. 'Mmm, that would be nice', I imagined his firm chest in the water; the soft light curls there, his brown hair growing damp… I forced my eyes open; my nipples had hardened at the thought and I was glad no one was present to witness my embarrassment.

It seemed strange to wear the soft gowns of my youth, no longer the rough gowns of the hospital or the ones I had borrowed from Arwen, who was taller than myself. They laughed and dressed me in the colours of Rohan; I wore an ivy dark, green dress with white slashing underneath and trimmings of gold. They brushed through my hair, anointing it with sweet smelling oils.  
"There, you are our Lady of Rohan again." smiled Braenna. I smiled in return, but something in me knew that wasn't the truth. I didn't solely belong to Rohan anymore. I got up.  
"Is dinner ready? I am hungry from riding and think I will go to bed when we are done."  
"Yes, my lady."  
I walk out of my room, into my antechamber and through the door in the corridor. Faramir is coming out of his own room and he gazes at me with longing. Braenna and my maids-in-waiting curtsey, though I can see there is something rather reluctant in their bows.

He gives me a bow and I give my hand, so he can lovingly kiss it, I do not know why but every time he does I know I soften completely. It is the tenderness and sweetness in the gesture, which makes me smile like a dolt. He falls into step beside me, talking clearly about the generosity and the kind welcome here. I see Braenna become more at ease, a handsome man praising the service here is not something she'll ignore. I hide my grin. I can see some of my maids-in-waiting have also allowed the charm of Faramir to turn their heads, though they seem more easily convinced than Braenna.

When we enter the main hall the men make such a noise for my return I am half amazed they don't thunder the roof off. Faramir steps back a little and is then led to one of our guest tables, where his men are also sat. They smile and cheer when they see me, though the men of Rohan almost look reproachfully at them. I wish I could invite Faramir to our own table at the end of the Main Hall, but I know my brother would not allow it.

The feast goes surprisingly well; Faramir speaks to some of the men of Rohan, who seem to like him, while keeping up the spirits of his own men. My old Uncle's advisors and some of the new welcome me back, they wish to know all about the books Minas Tirith has and we do not, they want to know all about my learning, there is a great rustle of awe when I speak about the salute I received from Minas Tirith when leaving.  
"You got a better salute than I did!" remarks my brother, teasing me.  
"Her lady is very wise to do so," said Gamling, "She's become an idol for the people of Gondor, someone they can follow with their hearts, as well as their minds."  
My brother's eyes darken at the word 'hearts' and he moodily stares at his goblet for some time.

"Brother please?" I say.  
"I've told you, I will think on it."  
"The men like him." I gesture down the hall, where a Rohan man is laughing at something Faramir said, Faramir smiles with him. He catches my eye, smiles inquisitively and raises his goblet to me. I melt.  
"Eowyn, stop looking like that." Eomer rips off some bread from a large loaf before him.  
"Looking like what?" I ask, provocatively.  
"Like a sop, that's what." I begin to laugh at my brother's uncomfortable nature with love.  
"I know how to fix this; we shall have to find someone for you to fall wildly in love with." I look out across the hall. "How about Braenna, she is five and fifty, but I'm sure she'd make you happy?" I tease, Éomer gives me a look and I giggle. "She is from Rohan, nay?"  
"Be that as it may, I can't marry Braenna."  
I gasp, mock horror, "And why not?"  
"I'd never get a moment's peace." he laughs and begins to eat his stew and I follow suit. At last a place where I am not judged if I finish my plateful. I just wish court dances were as common here as they are at Minas Tirith, there is no time for Faramir to hold me close to him and to whisper his love into my ear. There are beautiful songs, but these are not for dances, these are for the recounting of myth and great legends of men.

They're already singing a song about the War, called United at War; I smile to hear it is about two cousins and their respective armies, joining sides to fight a common enemy. Éomer avoids my eye. I am surprised when I hear my ladies have composed a song about me, 'One of Us'.

"She was lady-like and lively,  
Not the type you would expect,  
With a braver heart than many  
and a slot-shot to respect…"

"For she was not the biggest fighter,  
Nor one to make a fuss,  
But I remember being proud that she was one of us."

My brother has to clap and smile with the rest of the court when they sing this.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight – Death is the Beginning

There weren't many days when I didn't badger my brother, in trying to persuade him to allow me to marry Faramir. But each time I did he would grow increasingly frustrated and told me this was a matter to think about, not discuss. I pointed out we had the approval of the King and Queen of Gondor, that I was well liked in Gondor. I couldn't help worrying that with Faramir's stay people would grow suspicious; he was surely spending too long with us for an honoured guest. It was nearing the week's end. In fairness Faramir found this time frustrating too, there would only be a few occasions when we could meet and there were often people around. I could almost feel lightening crackle between us when we could not even hold hands.

"I cannot do this much longer." he said to me one day, when we had a rare chance to ride out, though we were still accompanied by a guard or two.  
"Have you spoken to my brother?"  
"I have tried to gain his trust and I always speak highly about you," he bit his lip, "But I get the feeling your brother does not favour me." I sighed and stopped brushing Windfola.  
"I spoke to him on the first day. He is worried about losing me, as his sister, then the enmity between Rohan and Gondor and the enmity between our two families."  
Faramir nods, every minute apart from him I long to be in his arms, feeling his kisses all over my mouth.

"I have tried to make him see that there should be no enmity between Rohan and Gondor anymore, since we came to Gondor's aid during the War. That, while I become a new woman, I retain the old…" I say, he comes forward, that look in his eyes telling me he wants nothing more than to kiss me, but he stops himself.  
"Every time I try to speak with him about something…" he falters.  
"What is it?"  
"I do not wish to cause conflict within your family."  
"Tell me Faramir," I say, coming a step closer, he moves back. I frown and move forward.  
"No my love, don't do that. There will be very little stopping me from picking you up and kissing you all over."  
I giggle, "I wish I could kiss you. But now tell me, what is the matter?"  
"Well, it is…say when I speak about reading, which I know your brother enjoys or horse riding or even archery, he always manages to make me feel…insignificant. As though reading was frivolous and wasteful, that I know nothing of horse riding and he shares the same hostile eye my father had when I speak about archery."

It takes all my strength not to go to him and let his arms wrap around my waist, breath in the very scent of him. Riding here means we can no longer dismount and talk for hours as we used to, as there are always two guards with us, looking both bored and cold. I did try to persuade Éomer that Faramir and I did not need guards, but he countered my arguments with talk of bands of rebel orcs, still crossing through countries and attacking anything they see. I knew this was true, but even when I reminded Éomer both Faramir and I could handle a sword well, he refused.  
"I know that you are brilliant, no matter what. Do not speak of riding; Rohan takes particular pride of their horses…or maybe swordplay, and don't speak of archery because we are a sword-race here. Nor speak too much of your learning, because my brother will see that as arrogance…" I say.  
"Then what shall I speak about? There seems very little left."

"Um…" I bite my lip, "Sorry, I am not being very helpful, but then neither is my brother."  
"Perhaps I should address the issue at hand and just ask him for your hand…"  
"No, no! Don't do that…!"  
"Then what am I meant to do?" Faramir laughs and sweeps me into his arms, I still nervously look around for stable boys, but I have felt a ravishing hunger within me for weeks and the feel of his arms around me is an opportunity I shall not miss. I give him a quick kiss.  
"Let us have a duel." I say.  
"Will your brother allow that?"  
"It is not up to him to allow it, I demand a duel."  
"Very well my love."  
I laugh and walk outside to the training circuit; I tie back my hair and pick up a sword from the weaponry. I try the weight in my hand, hand it to Faramir.  
"This one is good."  
"I'm not surprised, Rohan excels itself when it comes to swords…" he is admiring the sword and I am glad to hear the compliment spill from his mouth when some of my kinsmen are gathered. Though I know that Elven and Dwarf blades are far superior, but it is true, some of our blacksmiths are the finest in the land.

I pull out my sword from its sheath.  
"Does our lady intend to fight?" calls Gamling, walking towards us.  
"Indeed, my lord." I smile, some of the men stop what they are doing to watch us.  
"Eowyn," Faramir whispers, "However this goes for me will not look well, if I win then they will dislike me for beating you and if you win…"  
"Think not on it, this is simple practice and fun, not for winning."

Faramir has improved because of our time together, but we are still evenly matched. We must do battle for some time, because eventually my brother appears. He makes no comment, just watches us. Finally, we both agree to a rest, Faramir has forgotten his fear and smiles happily at me, placing his weapon back and wiping the sweat off his forehead with his arm.  
"Who won?" asked Gamling.  
"No one, it was just for practice." I replied, laughing happily. I look up towards my brother and he smiles at me, then recalls his attitude towards Faramir and frowns.  
"You'll need a wash, I intend to do something." I say to Faramir, he bows his consent and then makes his way up the hill. My brother watches me curiously as I head in another direction, but makes no comment on it.

I could not visit my Uncle's grave until today, I was steeling myself for this moment. I do not know why it took me this long or why I must do this alone, I would certainly like Faramir to be at my side or Éomer, but my heart tells me I need to do this alone.  
The graves are still covered in small white flowers and up ahead I see the stone room where my Uncle lies. I shall not go in there; instead I stand outside and pick up some white flowers in my hands. I am struck with how beautiful this place is, I am glad my Uncle rests here. I do cry, but it is not the tears I shed when I was at Minas Tirith. Are there such things as tears of acceptance?

I feel guilty because I have not brought anything to his grave; it does not seem right to give him a ribbon or my sword, or anything else I have upon me until I reach into my pocket and bring out the small corn dolly of a horse. I had forgotten I put it there; I wrap my green ribbon around its back and put one of the flowers by its ear. I put the little horse in one of the eaves and it seems fitting there. It is my gift of thanks and love, as it was from Gondor. I can feel my tears roll freely down my face and I am thankful I am alone.  
"Please Uncle, let me marry Faramir." I whisper into the breeze, how speaking to a ghost of the past will help my cause is anyone's guess, but as the wind grows stronger I feel he is almost listening to me, watching me. I feel my Uncle's smile upon me, how he would not deny me anything that gave me joy.

I smile, even though my tears pour down my cheeks.  
"He did not wish you to be sad," Éomer has come to my side, looking at the grave. "Faramir is back in his rooms." I detect a small sneer in his voice.  
"As I wished him to be, I wanted to come here alone." I reply, "And as my Uncle's last wish was that I smiled again, perhaps you will hold his wishes honourably."  
I walk up the hill, leaving my brother there looking at the grave. As I turn back to look at him, I see him reaching towards the eaves and bringing down the horse I left. He looks at it, while it lies in his hands. I turn back to walking to the Halls, smiling softly; I now know my Uncle has helped me.

When I get back, I find Faramir waiting in my rooms with my ladies. I frown in confusion. He politely bows to me,  
"My lady, I thank you for your hospitality and kindness, but I must ride back tomorrow with my men. They are well rested and have grown to love this land, but miss their homes."  
"Tomorrow…?" I nearly choke, this was not what I had intended Uncle. Faramir blithely smiles at me, even though I am sure I look panicked and angry.  
"We shall certainly miss your company, Lord Faramir." says Braenna, I look to her, as if she is in some sort of prank, but her eyes do not suggest any misgivings. I even see some of my maids-in-waiting look thoroughly disappointed.  
"I cannot understand…" I begin, but Faramir gives me a little wink, so small none of my ladies will see it. He is planning something, though heaven knows what.

"We will probably ride off in the late morning, but I must thank your brother, the King for all of his goodness towards me and my men." he says.  
"Then tonight we must all bid you farewell and safe journey." I say, this may be some clever scheme, but I cannot help but bite my lip to stop myself crying. It feels too real. I see his hesitation in his eyes, his desperate desire to take me into his arms and tell me he loves me. I smile and curtsey.  
"I am indebted in your safe guarding of me." I say.  
"I can say in all fairness there is no debt, whatsoever. Gondor owed this at least to Rohan."

He beams and bows to me, then leaves my rooms. I sit in my chair and pick up a book, but it is of little importance to me what this book is about.  
"That's a pity, he seemed like a nice, young man." says Braenna inconsequently.  
"Yes, he did." I murmur, she looks up at me, but I regain the same nonchalance as Faramir and 'read' my book. Eyes skimming over the pages and the fine illustrations, not really taking any of it in.

I had not realised how easily Faramir was liked in our court. I know many of my people believe those from Gondor are not to be trusted and are wily little foxes, always with their own aims and goals in mind. But many say they are sorry that Faramir is leaving, he has found favour with the men who like his calm nature and honesty, as much as I do. Tonight he dines near the King, as his honoured guest and even Éomer seems to find talking to him easier. They discuss battle plans and the wild bands of orcs still travelling within the lands, how it would be best to protect villages and small towns from their attacks.

The men drink heartily tonight, all raising a toast to Faramir for protecting their Lady and bringing her home safely, though I roll my eyes at this and they all laugh. Faramir raises his glass to me and says he is more in debt to me bringing him here safely! The men particularly like this and hammer on the table, calling servants over to refill their goblets and tankards. Then comes some wild dances and songs, which my maids-in-waiting persuade Faramir to join in with, though he says he is more fearful of this, than any battle he could go into.

I have to bite my lips and pinch my hands to stop myself from laughing when he heads in the wrong direction, during a particularly confusing dance and nearly collides with another pair of dancers. The men beg me to save him quickly, and though this is no dance for courtly grace or time for any talking, the music being so loud and furious, he still looks into my eyes. That same feeling of effortless hope and love pouring through my blood returns once more and I am glad I can hide my flush with pretence of the good wine and the dancing. His fingers tighten on mine and I see his grey-blue eyes tell me he loves me. If I could exchange all my riches in the world for a kiss from him, I would without thought.

I want to sleep in the Hall tonight, so I can wake when the servants enter here and can get up early to see Faramir off. I still don't know his plan and when I try to ask him, he quickly goes to the King and gives him a gift of thanks.  
"A simple gift to thank you for your hospitality towards my men and myself." He hands him a horn of Gondor, it is finely crafted and I can see the horses carved into the smooth sides. Éomer smiles and takes the gift, clasps Faramir's shoulder.  
"I thank you for it."  
"A reminder of our King's promise, that we may always call upon one another for aid."  
My brother nods, Rohan men are honourable; we keep our word and will always do so. I smile at the mention of Aragorn; he will keep our Kingdoms united at all times and it will remind my brother there is a new King on the throne of Gondor. Faramir bows to Éomer and then says to his men.

"We must to bed, an early rise tomorrow shall call us and I wish to have no one who cannot speak for the pain in their head." My kinsmen laugh and the guard get up and bow to my brother, who acknowledges his head, they then bow to me and I smile at them. I still look confusedly at Faramir who bows and then kisses my hand, he smiles softly at me when he leans over. Will he tell me nothing?

The wine means I sleep well and it is only when I hear footsteps outside the hall do I wake up, it is still night and I stir uncomfortably in my makeshift bed. I sit upright and brush a hand through my hair, I am still weary, but feel wide awake. I hear the footsteps approach the hall and for some strange reason, like a child, I lie back down very quickly and close my eyes.  
"Forgive me, it just seemed strange that you would intend to go so soon." My brother's voice says, I hear his foot tread stop when he enters the hall, "I had forgot she slept in here."  
"She is fast asleep." Faramir's voice fills my heart with a jolt of happiness. "My people call me home, as does the King."  
"But what of Eowyn?"

I hear Faramir give a soft sigh of a laugh, "I fear that I am beyond help when it comes to Eowyn, I love her entirely and completely, there is no fault I can find within her…But I am aware that I have much to prove both to her people and her brother." I hear his smile and my brother gives a soft chuckle.  
"He must be a very cold-hearted man, this brother of her's."  
"Nay, he is a good man, I can tell that. He loves his sister, he is wary of any other man's affection for her because he does not wish her hurt. He is simply a logical man, who cares greatly for his kin."

I hear their footsteps beginning to tread softly around the hall; I am nearly holding my breath, so try to relax.  
"How does her brother know that this man is the right one to marry his sister?" Éomer asks.  
"Well that is half the problem, he doesn't, I doubt if many are entirely certain when it comes to love. But I know I would rather be run through with my own blade than hurt Eowyn. That my life will be unbearable, if she is not by my side."  
"And what of her brother's life, will his life not be unbearable?"  
"Perhaps yes, but I would always be happy for her to return home. I would rather she were happy and I was not with her, than if she was with me and was miserable. But sir, I fear you forget the lady we speak about. We have spoken about my happiness and her brother's, what of her's?"

"She wishes to marry you, I know that." My brother laughs, "There has not been a moment when she has not found me and asked. I doubt she will give up, until I relent."  
Faramir stops walking and I can feel those ardent eyes upon me, "That is something I particularly love about her, she would never give up on anything without a fight. I love her determinism."  
"Some would call it stubbornness." My brother says, and I almost feel like 'waking up' and telling him that he seems to have that trait too.  
"It's a very good trait to have, especially when she killed the Witch-King and defended Gondor through that stubbornness." Faramir replies.  
"Then I will let you have my blessing, because I can see she means more to you than anything else in this world…and Eowyn, you can stop pretending to be asleep."

I grin and open my eyes, seeing them standing across the Hall from me.  
"You always forget to breathe normally." Éomer smiles, then says to Faramir, "Something I learnt from our childhood, Eowyn could never hide her excitement."

I get up, run across and embrace my brother, "Argh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Faramir is waiting for me and I look into his grey-blue eyes, by everything alive I love him!  
"See, I told you I had a plan." he grins.  
"You told me no such thing, you just gave me a small wink and I had to be done with that."  
"Ah, but it worked."  
"What worked?" I asked.  
"Your miserable face," remarked my brother, a sibling's tease back in his tone, "It made me realise that you could never be happy, if I did not allow you to be wed. Faramir's threat of leaving convinced me that you had deep feelings for him, though he had to speak with me afterwards about his own." Éomer gave a slight smile, I could feel Faramir's hand curl around my own.

"I am too happy to be angry, with either one of you." I smiled.  
"Good, now to bed Eowyn. There is no need to sleep in here, Faramir shall be here tomorrow." Éomer says.  
I look up at Faramir, "I have half an inclination that I could be ill tomorrow, it is just a guess." he says. I embrace my brother and Faramir once more, his arms round my waist feel so secure and loving, I do not wish to let go, until my brother gives a small cough.  
"Goodnight." I smile and walk back to my bed, after going round the corner and out of sight I skip all the way to my room. Finally running through the door and climbing into bed, I pull the covers around me and bury my face in the pillow out of sheer happiness.  
"Thank you Uncle," I whisper and a light breeze skims across my head, so it is as though he is kissing my forehead and giving me his blessing. I think I shall not sleep, my head is too light and dizzy and happy, but I do.

I dream of a beautiful garden, walking among the arbours of the trees and bowers of flowers, until I reach a glade and see Faramir, playing with several wooden horses, a little boy at his side, with his father's brown hair and my eyes. The boy looks up to me and reaches out a hand, I take his little hand in mine and sit next to him.  
"Mama, this horse is my favourite." he says giving me a horse made of reddish, brown wood.  
"Ah Elboron, what is his name?" I ask, it does not concern me that I do know the little boy's name, I know he is my son.  
"Roheryn," he cuddles the horse to his chest and smiles at me. I grin back and open my arms to him, he steps into them and I cuddle him to me, kissing his soft, warm head.

"Elboron, how would you like a little brother or sister? You would need to protect and love them, as my brother did for me and your father's brother did."  
Elboron considers this, frowning; I love how he already has his father's serious, intent expressions. He then nods his head.  
"I can teach them how to ride a horse." he says, I laugh.  
"Well they may need a few years to grow, but after that, yes." says Faramir and his eyes shine with love for me and our son.  
"Then I should like that." Elboron decides, nodding his head to me as though giving his consent. I can see something of my own brother within that serious, little face. But I know he has me in him too as he canters his little horse around a patch of grass.

I awake that morning, smiling so brightly and happily the ladies think I have gone half-mad or else had some secret reason for disliking Faramir. But when I go into the main Hall, I care not for any distinction or polite rules; I leap into his arms and kiss him. He seems taken aback at first and then lovingly sinks into the kiss.  
"I think my sister should probably mention before she kisses Lord Faramir senseless, that they intend to marry, but no matter now." says Éomer, he hides a wry smile and begins to eat.

I look around at the bemused court and Faramir's men, who finally break the silence and burst out laughing, before cheering for both of us. The court swiftly follow suit. Gamling praises Faramir on marrying the finest woman in all of Rohan and Braenna kisses us both, my maids-in-waiting look disappointed, then smile and then turn their eyes towards Faramir's men.

My brother gives Faramir and I his blessing, then Faramir gives me his ring, plighting his troth to me. He kisses me, that delicious nipping kiss I have longed for. Quickly taking my bottom lip between his teeth and I fall happily into his arms.  
"Ah my love, I love you, I love you with all my heart, being and soul." he whispers. I nod, beyond all speech, but he knows this of me and laughs, holding me tighter against him.  
"You cannot have done anything else in the world that will give me more joy than this." he says to my brother.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine – Five Months Later, the Night Before

"You should not be awake."  
"Neither should you." I reply, coming to Faramir's side; we are looking out at the city of my girlhood. The cold wind still whistling across the land, he pulls me to him and puts his cloak around us both.  
"I am too excited," I whisper, he laughs softly.  
"I cannot marry a woman who will not keep her eyes open tomorrow; the Elves would not stand for such rudeness."

The Lady Galadriel is to perform the Hand fasting ceremony tomorrow, her wedding gift is the beautiful silk ribbon that will be tied around our hands. Today seem to creep by with such slowness, aggravating me to distraction. Though I am so glad all our old friends are here once more. I was delighted when I saw Pippen and Merry, knowing that in some way their friendship had been the reason why Faramir and I met. Sam is married; I can see he is very glad with the match, his round eyes shining whenever he mentions her name, Rosie. Frodo greets me respectfully enough, but there is something a little sad within him, that he shrugs off as deference towards Faramir and myself, but he never seems at ease. I pity the poor lad, he had a responsibility to bear that was too great for him, but that no one else could carry.

Legolas is happy to be back with his old friends, though he and Gimli have done a good deal of travelling by the sounds of their stories and Gimli's laughter. Gimli, Pippen and Merry caper around the halls until they nearly drop down where they stand when we have music that night. Arwen, blossoming into motherhood, kisses my cheeks and says she couldn't be happier for me; Aragorn likewise kisses my hand and swears there isn't a finer man. But it is with Gandalf that both Faramir and I are glad to see, Gandalf greets his student with affection, the man I marry tomorrow still treats him with great admiration and respect. I tell Gandalf I will never forget what he did for my Uncle and my family, being free of Saruman, Grima Wormtongue and my cage. He shakes his head.  
"Let the past be forgotten, we cannot bring it back however much we wish."  
"I have no desire for the past, but I am grateful for the time I had with the Uncle I remembered and loved."  
"It is good, you marry well Lord Faramir, I cannot stand folly." Gandalf eyes smile, I grin.

"What do you think of, my love?" Faramir kisses my forehead.  
"Everything." I sigh contentedly.  
"I am mightily impressed, that is a good amount to think about."  
I laugh, "Just everything that happened, everything that will happen."  
"It is like sitting in a boat, with no oar, on a river heading somewhere we have never been." he says.  
"But we sit in this boat together." I reply. He smiles broadly at me and kisses me. I still have the same feeling when we first kissed, but this is a new love, a longer, stable love but one I still adore.  
"You make me the happiest man alive on this earth." he says.  
"And you me."

A Nightingale's whistle pierces the air and it's lilting tune makes me remember something I said.  
"I once said that I didn't want to be captured, forced into a cage. That was what I most feared."  
"Well I was never looking for a pretty bird to put in some restraint. You're a falcon, my love, the only thing I can do is pray that you'll return to my hand when I let you fly free. If I didn't let you fly, you'd find a way to escape and wouldn't come back."  
I lean against his shoulder, "I'll always return to you." We remain standing there, watching the stars in the dark canvas of the sky and the wind whipping up the flags and banners of Rohan and Gondor, united with our wedding. The white horse grazes under a silver tree.


	10. Chapter Ten

The Wedding

_"Every morning choose to love something about him._  
_Every day remember who I chose to be._  
_Every evening choose to say the things that haven't yet been said._  
_Then go to bed and choose to love the man I'm with."_

Another song in our honour, as we dine at the table, the pale, cream silk wrapped around our wrists in a sacred knot. It is there to remind us, to make life difficult. The knot represents the choices we have made, the duties that come with married life, as well as the soft, sweet pleasure. It reminds me of the growing knot in my stomach of the marital bed. I have been with no one, been touched by no man. I know Faramir has been with women and he cared not for it, what if he finds he cares not for me? I forget this every time I look at him, his golden brown head raised back as he laughs and smiles at something my brother or Aragorn says. They sit closest to us. Every time his eyes reach mine and every time he whispers that he loves me, and then tells me he has said it so many times he is fearful of it becoming meaningless, I tell him back that it could never be meaningless, my love for him still burns bright in my heart.

My wedding dress is beautiful, pale green silk, with white and silver. I wear the diadem Arwen gave me, interweaved with jasmine leaves and flowers. There was an audible gasp as I walked up the Hall, with my brother, towards Faramir. He was dressed in the colours of Gondor, black with silver lining. I heard some muttering that perhaps a man should not wear dull colours at his wedding, but when he turned to see me and his mouth became an 'O' of happiness and admiration, I didn't care whether he wore brown sacking or cloth of gold. He looked handsome and wise and I loved him so entirely I am surprised my soul didn't go galloping off towards the heavens. But then I saw Gimli turn his back to me, his shoulders heaving and Legolas, grinning, pass him a handkerchief. I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing.

Our Hand fasting ribbon is taken to our room and I join in the clapping and singing of songs. The mummers' songs are respectful and grand, I can see Merry and Pippen talking animatedly, I know they are growing bored. They soon shush the singers and liven up our Hall with their raucous pub songs, some of which are a little rude. But I do not mind a bit, as I dance with Merry down the hall under clapping hands. It is only as the evening wears on and Arwen and Galadriel take me from the hall, with my ladies in waiting, that I am reminded of that knot. Faramir stays in the hall, talking with the men. While I normally defy tradition, I do not wish to defy this undress me and Arwen gives me her gift of a beautiful silk nightgown, patterns of golden ivy hung around the bottom and the front laced with satin ribbons. Galadriel removes my diadem, as my ladies-in-waiting prepare my bed, she brushes through my hair till it hangs down my back in golden waves.

"Are you well, Eowyn?" she asks, kindly.  
I nod, "A little nervous, as all women are on this night." I reply.  
Arwen smiles, "He loves you Eowyn, do not fear in asking him to be gentle, he will listen to you." I press my lips together, hiding my nerves. She sees it in my eyes, kisses my cheek and then guides me over to the bed. My ladies are leaving honeyed cakes and spiced ale on the table at the end of the room. The bed spread is dark blue. Arwen pulls aside the cover and I climb in, feeling strangely girl-like, as though my mother is putting me to bed.  
"Goodnight, brave lady." Galadriel kisses my cheek and Arwen does the same, they shoo my giggling handmaidens from my room and close the door.

I am still sitting in my bed, the twisting of the knot growing worse and worse. I cannot understand why I feel like a child, but I am reminded strongly of how I used to fear the healer's visit when I was young. I should not though, surely? I am a grown woman in her wedding bed. I lie back on the pillows, looking up at the upholstered four poster bed.  
I softly mutter a soldier's word I have often heard before, "Shit." I say it several times, feeling distinctly better every time. I smile at my small rebellion against my maiden title. Well I won't be a maiden for much longer, I think. However much I fear what is to come the bed is soft and warm, I stretch and curl my toes, feeling the luxury of the sheets. 'Well not much will be accomplished by staying awake.' I think, I let the sweet mead and fine wine I drank persuade my body to sleep.

I feel his warmth enter the bed and he wrap his arms tightly, possessively around my waist. I sleepily roll over to face him. He is wearing his night shirt, the soft hairs of his chest just visible, the smile on his face utterly delicious. A candle still flickers on the table, making the room glow warmly.  
"Sorry, my love. I did not mean to wake you, but to have you in bed with me and not to hold you was an unbearable thought."  
I nestle closer to him, breathing in the scent of him, a soft muskiness.  
"If you are tired we can wait till morning, I am happy to just sleep with you." he whispers, kissing my forehead.  
"No, there will not be much time in the morning; the servants are far too excited, we'd be disturbed every time."  
"Very well." he smiles, kissing me, wrapping his hands round my face, "Dear Lord, Eowyn, you are too beautiful to resist."  
"Then don't resist me." I murmur.

I have no idea why I said that, I just knew I was ready for this moment. Faramir let out a moan of desire and pushed his hands into my hair, kissing me all over my face. Then when kissing my lips, he let his tongue slip into my mouth. I was surprised at first, but then grew to like the sensation, the taste of him. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest, my breasts pressed against his chest and my whole body burning with a longing to be taken, to be touched. He broke away looking down towards my chest, towards the ribbons, I got the distinct desire he would have liked nothing better than to rip away the nightgown and to kiss my breasts. I giggle softly.  
"We cannot ruin the nightgown; it was a gift from Arwen."

He gives a frustrated sigh, but I kneel up in the bed and loosen the ribbons. I see him eagerly rise towards me, but I push him back on the bed and kiss him, pushing his hands down so he cannot touch me.  
"You are…" desire nearly makes him choke, "Both beautiful and horrible, I told you, you were a tease." I laugh and then pull the nightgown over my head. He lets out a sigh of longing and bliss. Then seizes me to him, pulling me down so I lie on the bed. I watch his dark, golden head bowed over my breast, slowly kissing my neck and shoulders, and then letting his hand wrap round my creamy, pale breasts. I feel my spirit hum with excitement, my whole body shivering again. He kisses closer to them, softly rubbing my breasts, till his warm hands stroke over my nipples. When they harden under his hands he lets out another groan and gently sucks on one, making me curl my toes again and let out little panting sighs, this wonderful bliss and agony pouring over my body.

He kisses and bites my belly, still kneading my breasts, my fingers seemingly wandering down towards my groin as though my body knows before my mind that is what I long for. To become one body with him. I feel my wetness growing there and I close my eyes in ecstasy as I stroke myself. Faramir comes up to my mouth again and kisses me, he feels my fingers near my groin and as though he cannot bear this anymore he rips off his nightshirt. I admire his body, the panes of his chest, the scar where the arrow hit him. It reminds me of tending to him when he was injured and how I grew to love this man. I kiss his chest and the scar; I can feel his hardened erection against my thigh and hear his quick breath, leaving his body.

He lies me back down again and glides his fingers down my stomach towards my legs, I open them for him and he tenderly strokes my wet flesh. I feel like a fool, sighing with pleasure and making little 'oh' noises of delight, but he kisses me, tells me how much he's loved me, how he's waited for this moment and how he loves me all over again. He presses firmly on my little nub of flesh and makes me pant with joy; I am half frightened, half desperate for him to be between my legs. This man is the right one to claim me.  
"I will be as gentle as I can be, love," he whispers.  
I nod, knowing his male desires may make it difficult for him to stop. He opens my legs a little wider, still rubbing my flesh and then he positions himself close to my entrance. For a while he carefully pushes himself against it and then pushes inside me. My eyes open with shock and I let out a muffled cry.

"Sorry, my love, I am sorry. I'll try to be gentle."  
I know I must grow used to this, but it still brings a few tears to my eyes, I blink them away. We are together at last and this makes us one person, one entity of love and devotion. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him. His hips push himself into me, going a little further each time, till I am used to where he was before.  
"I love you so much Eowyn." He kisses my shoulder, then my breasts, that same feeling of desire I had comes back.  
"I love you too, Faramir."  
I can feel his pace quickening, his breathing hardened, as his hips push against my groin and his kisses become feverish on my skin. I even faintly begin to enjoy the feel of him inside me, pushing against me.  
"Mmm, this isn't so bad." I whisper and he laughs.  
"It will get better in time."  
"I hold that as a promise." I reply.

He gives a groaning sigh and then I feel a rush inside me, he's made me his, he's planted his seed. He lies against my shoulder for a while, then gently gets off me and brings me to him, holding me tightly to him, protecting me.  
"Are you alright, my love?"  
Despite the slight soreness between my legs and the ache I feel, I feel a great satisfaction and completeness.  
"Yes, I am well." I smile.  
"Good," he rests his head on the pillow and closes his eyes, then opens them, "You are my wife now." He sounds so sweet, so delighted.  
"Indeed I am, husband. I am your true wife now." He gives me a sweet, strong kiss.  
"I could get used to this," Faramir smiles dreamily. I kiss him along his jaw, down his neck to his chest.  
"I think I could do the same, my lord."  
He opens his eyes again, "Faramir will do." I put my head against his chest and he runs his hands through my hair.  
"We will go to Ithilien, you can grow a garden there." he says softly, "There'll be trees for shade and sweet smelling herbs and flowers, for your healing skills."  
"And a son," I smile, "with hair like yours and eyes like mine."

He laughs; I think he thinks I am just jesting after we made love. But I know in my heart, these things will happen and I will be a happy married woman, with a garden and not only my son, many children.  
"I want lots of children." I say.  
"How many?"  
"Three, preferably two sons and one daughter."  
"And what will our sons and daughter be called?"  
"Elboron, Boromir and Eostre." he chuckles on hearing the names I have already decided upon for our unborn children. "Do you like them?" I whisper.  
"Yes, and I am sure my brother would have been honoured by your choice, as would Eostre. But I must confess my love, I was hoping for at least five children."  
"Oh three are the minimum anyway." I smile, he brings me closer to him and kisses me.  
"Oh Ewoyn, I am blessed."  
As am I, I think. I thank heaven for it every day, when Iroeth made me attend to the Steward of Gondor. I drift to sleep in his warm arms.

**_The End_**

* * *

So this is the re-edited, re-uploaded version of this story. I decided to do this as I am currently writing the sequel and the timeline in that one is more in keeping with the original story, so I edit some of these bits to help them make more sense. Hope you enjoyed and I will be posting up on here and my other fanfic (Hidden Letters) when the sequel (A Promise Not Forgotten - Working Title) is up. Thanks, Hannah xxx


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